‘MasterChef’ Is Finally Doing The Right Goddamned Thing By Bringing Back The Cube Challenge

Of all the things MasterChef: Back to Win has done right, and it’s a long list, one glaring omission casts a dark shadow across proceedings: The absence of the Cube Challenge.

The Cube Challenge is the jewel in the MasterChef crown. It is to MasterChef as the Auction is to Survivor. The towering inferno. The Mount Everest. The tallest of tall hills.

And finally, at long, long last, it’s coming back.

Following last night’s Immunity Challenge, we got a glimpse of the mighty cubes, which will be arriving this coming Sunday.

I love the cube. The cube is just, and fair. The cube favours no one. The cube is all-seeing and all-knowing, and will cut down anyone who does not respect it.

The Cube Challenge, for those of you who do not know its name, involves a table of perfectly cut one-inch cubes of various foods, and requires contestants to eat them – one by one – and identify what the food is.

The challenge frequently and quickly descends into absolute bedlam, because none suspect that by reducing all food down to an identical cube also removes the brain’s ability to identify it.

These people cannot handle not seeing the shape of a fish when eating it. They cannot cope with a simple square of apple. A hunk of mango in a non-round form gives them conniptions. It caves their brain in, the cube.

But because this is Back to Win and we’re playing on Expert Mode, last night’s preview unveiled a cruel new modifier: This Cube Challenge will apparently be done blindfolded.

With just taste, touch, and smell to rely on, I’m expecting a world class panic attack in Olympic qualifying time.

The cube. The CUBE.

The Cube is real, and so strong, and my friend.

Welcome back, love.

The Cube Challenge apparently goes down on MasterChef this coming Sunday night.