Look, no one fucking cares about Married At First Sight now that Bachelor In Paradise has started and we have Florence roaming their Fijian resort inhaling all the menfolk like some sort of terrifying god of seduction. But in the interest of finishing what we all bloody started, I must report this one final yarn to you all.
Remember (it’s going to be hard, I can’t even recall half the contestants names now) the absolute bombshell that dropped in the final gang catch-up, where it was revealed Dean had been SEXTING Tracey while she was coupled up with Sean?
While Tracey kinda revealed a bit about those texts on the Kyle and Jackie O Show, she didn’t really give us much depth. Now, we’ve got the legit shit c/o New Idea. And mates… they’re fucking boring as shit.
Honestly, I wouldn’t even call these sexts. Read this absolute wet, mouldy towel of an exchange.
TRACEY: ‘Who’s going to be the lucky 19-year-old to bring in the new year with you lol.’
DEAN: ‘Hmm good question.’
DEAN: ‘Fuck me. That got out of hand quickly. Just partied with Andy last night and shit got crazy. Only got home at like 4pm today.’
There was also more info on that salacious-sounding pic Dean allegedly sent Tracey, of a girl he was boning while someone else was in the room. Turns out that was apparently the girl’s boyfriend.
I mean… how the hell are these sexts. Who’s bloody idea was it to call this exchange sexting. Aside from the pic of the girl he boned, which is MAYBE a sext (although if it’s like a selfie? With clothes on? Like we need context here) these are more beige than shit I send to my group chat.
At best, they’re mildly flirty texts you’d send to someone you still want some attention from. AT BEST.
Just let your 5 minutes of fame die with dignity, Dean and Tracey.
