In amongst all of the news of the Married At First Sight reunion, it’s easy to forget that the actual 2021 season is just weeks away.

Honestly, after the hell year on the dating front that has been 2020, I can understand why some would just say “fuck it” and leave their love lives to the reality TV gods. I mean, at best you get a long-lasting relationship, and at worst, you’ll probably score enough Instagram followers to be able to flog some #sponcon skinny tea or teeth whitener.

So far, we know that season is about “finding love, not fame” but considering most of the participants are already D-grade celebrities, I am skeptical of this claim.

We’re yet to cop an official premiere date for the 2021 season, which is currently set to air sometime in late January. But that hasn’t stopped The Wash from digging up the dirt on the future reality TV stars.

So let’s get to know our brides and grooms, shall we?

Booka Nile:

Lives in: Perth

Job: Musician

Marrying: Brett (I think)

Booka is probably the biggest name in this season. She’s a musician from Perth, who regularly tours with her band Make Them Suffer – you know, before COVID fucked the live entertainment industry.

From my sleuthing, I’m pretty convinced she’s marrying Brett Helling and honestly, I ship it.

booka nile

Brett Helling:

Lives in: Geelong

Job: Electrician/Kitchen Hand

Marrying: Booka (I think)

Brett is a bit of a man of mystery. We don’t know much about him, other than what I could scrape from his LinkedIn. But apparently, his nickname is Scuba (thanks, I hate it) and eats a lot of ramen. I simply cannot stress to you just how much liking ramen is not a personality trait.

brett helling mafs

Alana Sinead Lister:

Lives in: Gold Coast

Job: Teacher

Marrying: Jason

On account of the fact that she’s a teacher, Alana’s social media is *very* private, so she’s not an easy one to dig up dirt on. A source told The Wash that she’s “very nice”, so uhh… she’s a nice teacher who probably enjoys the beach (because I can’t think why else somebody would want to live on the Gold Coast unless they just *really* love going to Movie World).

She’s marrying Jason, and considering they both live in Queensland, I reckon this one actually has a chance of surviving.

alana sinead lister

Jason Engler:

Lives in: Brisbane

Job: ???

Marrying: Alana

We don’t know much about Jason, but from what I can find on his socials, he’s originally from Toowoomba and froths a music festival with his boiiiiizzzzzz (yeah the boys).

jason engler mafs

Connie Coco Stedman:

Lives in: Sydney

Job: Owns a KX Pilates

Marrying: Sam Carraro

Connie lives in South Sydney, she used to be a cop (ACAB) but traded in her badge for one of those pilates machines that make you so sore that you can’t sit down. She’s recently divorced (2019) and is seemingly living the dream in Sydney.

connie coco stedman mafs

Sam Carraro:

Lives in: Melbourne

Job: Owns a clothing label

Marrying: Connie

According to an inside source, Sam is a “big larrikin” from Melbourne, who owns a clothing label. However, he’s the only person I’ve found so far with a public Instagram account, which makes me think there must be some ~tea~ for him to already be breaking the private-your-Instagram rule.

mafs

Samantha Jayne Harvey:

Lives in: Canberra

Job: Entrepreneur

Marrying: ???

Samantha is one of the few contestants with kids, which already gives me flashbacks of that woman last year who yeeted because she couldn’t be away from her kids. But she’s also a badass buisness woman who launched two businesses and is now ready to find love.

Bryce Ruthven:

Lives in: Canberra

Job: Radio host

Marrying: ??

Bryce works in media, which I was fairly certain ruled you out of reality dating shows, but apparently, I’m wrong. We’ve seen photos of his bride but know precisely fuck all about her or their relationship. Honestly, I’m not convinced he’ll give us any drama. Boring.

bryce ruthven mafs

Jo Todd:

Lives in: Melbourne

Job: Hairdresser

Marrying: ??

Much like Samantha, Jo also has kids. She’s also one of the older brides of the bunch, which always makes for an interesting dynamic. We don’t know anything juicy about her but she’s got the face of someone who seems nice, so I hope she finds love.

jo todd

Cameron Dunne:

Lives in: Melbourne

Job: Tradie/Charity app director

Marrying: We don’t know her name but they arrive separately at one of the early dinner parties so I’m already calling it: they’ve broken up.

Cameron is a Melbourne boy. When he’s not a tradie, he also does charity work as the director of My Charity Change. He also body builds.  I have a feeling he’ll be a source of ~drama~ this season.

cameron dunne

James Susler:

Lives in: Melbourne

Job: Luxury car salesman.

Marrying: One of the blondes, I reckon either Beth, Samantha or Jo.

James screams “rich car dude.” His company makes BANK (like… $11 million in 2015 alone) and he obviously loves travelling and “having fun”, you know – because he’s making bank.

james susler mafs

Jake Edwards:

Lives in: Melbourne

Job: Former AFL player

Marrying: Me, hopefully.

Jake is a former AFL player, who played for Carlton and Port Melbourne before stepping away from the footy to take care of his mental health. I’m rooting for him.

jake edwards mafs

Beck Zemek:

Lives in: Perth

Job: Food blogger

Marrying: The guy in the Timberlands (name unknown)

Beck is already friends with a bunch of former MAFS/Bachie stars, so she’s presumably a bit of a socialite and I reckon she’ll be a source of drama because she’ll be smart enough to know that it’s the only way to be remembered. I think she’ll be dramatic but in the way that we all love.

beck zemek mafs

Beth Moore:

Lives in: Perth

Job: Psychology

Marrying: ??

Damn MAFS, back at it again with the Perth girls. Beth seems nice and genuine (from the photos I’ve found on her social media. She quit her retail management job to pursue psychology because she wants to help people.

beth moore mafs

Belinda Vickers:

Lives in: Melbourne

Job: Sports Management

Marrying: Patrick

Belinda is elusive. We know very little about her, other than that she’s from Melbourne and works in sports. She’s marrying Patrick, who we somehow know even less about. I reckon they’ll be the Vanessa & Chris of this season (aka we’ll know nothing about them and won’t care).

belinda vickers

Patrick (??)

Lives in: ?

Job: ??

Marrying: Belinda

Patrick is just a giant question mark. We know literally nothing other than that his name is probably Patrick. Patrick, tell us about yourelf.