This MAFS dinner party is going to be lit, I can feel it.
Melinda and Layton are still here which would’ve been unexpected if I didn’t see them in the trailer during last night’s episode.
You know what I love about Evelyn? She only speaks the truth. And tonight the honest fact is that Rupert looks horrific. Like Dr Evil.
It appears that Rupert hasn’t seen Austin Powers which is a big red flag IMO.
Evelyn looks amazing as always. In fact, Rupert loves the colour of her dress, which he believes to be an “unhealthy pee colour”.
SCREAMING. She asks him why he’s like this and I too would like to know.
In other news, Alyssa still has a child.
They’re at pre-drinks and wow she’s being dismissive and rude straight away, isn’t she.
Thank fuck Rupert and Evelyn are in the house to make things more fun. Let me rephrase: Thank fuck Evelyn is here to make things more fun.
She feels like she’s walked into a funeral.
This is quite fitting because Alyssa just killed any hope of a future with Prince Eric by telling the others “he pretty much ripped our entire relationship apart”.
Ollie and Tahnee have arrived to show us their pink bits.
Didn’t Evelyn wear this exact outfit — gloves and all — in black and white a couple of dinner parties ago? Anyway, Evelyn is telling the girls a secret:
The girls are talking about Rupert and giving him the “he means well” treatment which is code for “this is over, doll”. Anyway, I’m glad this bloke doesn’t work behind the bar because look at the head on that:
Harrison is in the house (by himself) and Evelyn doesn’t even hide her disgust to see the bloke. He tells the group he had fun in Perth but was “viciously attacked”.
“Finally someone grew the cahoonas to stand up to the big boofhead,” Evelyn says. Fuck I love her. Plus, Bunnings Boofhead has a nice ring to it.
Melinda and Layton have arrived and luckily there is someone who’s paid to close the door behind them.
Lyndall and Cam have also arrived and she’s telling the girls how she only copped a forehead kiss before goose shooting during MAFS home stays. I can’t believe the nonsense I have to write sometimes.
Bronte and her fresh keratin treatment are in the house.
Bunnings Boofhead goes straight up to her and asks for a chat.
Lyndall would like Bronte to talk to Da Galz before he has a chance to control the narrative.
“What’s more important? Her husband, or her friends?” Bunnings Boofhead asks. Don’t love that.
“My sister ate him for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” Bronte tells the girls.
She doesn’t get to say much more before Bunnings Boofhead starts walking over.
Has Bronte always been this insufferable? Or have all the leaked texts gotten to my head? To be fair, she’s serving up some iconic screenshots tonight.
Dude she’s losing her fucking mind hey.
Hell yeah, dinner is ser-ved. I love when it’s ser-ved.
She’s being way too dramatic with the pulling off of her wedding ring, saying, “I’m done” for the 2,375th time.
The experts are here! Side note: I’d love to see a GRWM TikTok from this trio.
The MAFS couples are moving out of their apartments tomorrow to go home and decide whether or not they’ll be continuing these shitty relationships. They’ve dropped off some question boxes that are sure to ruin some lives.
Not Ollie and Tahnee though! Ollie is falling in love with her and dammit I am smiling like an idiot.
Tahnee thinks he lives up to every expectation she has with a partner. “Aw,” says Bunnings Boofhead and this response from Bronte has sent me:
Tahnee is also falling in love and god this pairing is cute. Does this mean the less baggage you have the more likely it is you’ll find love? Taking notes even though I can’t change my life experience.
Alyssa thinks Prince Eric has high expectations, that she’s not going to be good enough and is having doubts about their future post-boat date.
Prince Eric likes how Alyssa makes her feel when their relationship is good.
“Which is what, 56 per cent of the time?” she asks him.
“Even just then, I’m just describing some things I like about you and you just cut me down,” Prince Eric responds.
He asks her what he needs to improve on to make their relationship work, because he is a king that we don’t deserve.
“I think understanding where I’ve been and where I’m coming from. Just put yourself in my shoes for once,” Alyssa tells him.
Over to Evelyn and Rupert. He asks if she thinks their relationship has changed since the beginning. What a dumb question. Of course it has!
He asks if she’s sexually attracted to him. She says yes. Now he wants her to rank it out of 10 even though no card prompts that.
Her fave thing about Rupert? Kind heart.
Least favourite? “You sometimes say the wrong things.”
She doesn’t think he’s put in enough effort throughout MAFS because he’s only taken her on one date within seven weeks. He thinks she hasn’t shown interest.
Rupert says Evelyn is only “sometimes attracted” to him and this pisses her right off.
“Rupert I’ve had sex with you, next question.” She thinks him referring to earlier weeks is unfair.
“That doesn’t necessarily mean you are attracted to someone. I could just be a piece of meat to her,” he tells the producers. Excuse me while I question my attractiveness of people I’ve slept with.
Cam and Lyndall. Everyone ready for this shitheap?
Cam doesn’t know if Lyndall will fit into his life in the NT. “Doesn’t mean you can’t fit into parts of my lifestyle,” he reassures her while also not reassuring her.
Evelyn makes a very valid point which is that any partner — not just Lyndall — is going to want affection.
He thinks he gave her reassurance in the shed, but she thinks that was only because he wanted to go and hang out with his friends. “That is complete horseshit,” she says.
“I love Lyndall as a person but I’m just not going down that path of falling in love,” he tells the group. “That’s where I’m at.”
This is news to Lyndall and she feels like everyone is watching their relationship fall apart. She excuses herself and really lets it rip out of the tear ducts.
Melinda reminds her that Cam’s not what she’s after. Over at the dinner table, Ollie points out the obvious which is that Cam is sending mixed messages to his wife.
Cam says after the Home Stays, Lyndall is not the girl for him. Interesting time to realise, buddy.
Evelyn storms out of the girl huddle to tell Cam he’s an asshole for stringing Lyndall along. “It’s a low blow,” she tells him.
“Is it? That’s no good.” Condescending fuck. “Don’t trip on your way out.”
Layton and Melinda are up. Here we bloody go.
How’s Melinda feeling about her husband? “I feel like you’re my Layton!”
“I think you tick all my boxes like no guy’s ever ticked all my boxes before.”
He asks if she’s falling in love with him.
“Already there,” she tells him.
WHAT WHEN HOW WILD.
“If you can’t speak to someone, are you really?” he responds.
This is worse than when Ryan said “thank you” to Marissa when she confessed her love on The O.C.
She’s pissed off and fair. Fuck that. Don’t question love, CEO.
He thinks she could’ve been a better partner by trying to be more understanding of their differences. His turn to answer the love question.
“I’m not there yet,” he says.
He says he thinks he could fall in love with her. It crosses his mind multiple times throughout the day. But he’s not there just yet because there’s still unresolved issues.
Bronte and Bunnings Boofhead are up and my head already hurts from the back and forth 10 seconds in. Let’s summarise this.
- He regrets he didn’t clean his act up before entering MAFS.
- He thinks he’s gotten to know the real Bronte.
- His favourite thing about her is her spontaneity.
- His least favourite thing about her is her willingness to talk negatively about her partner to other people.
- He thinks she could’ve been a better partner by crossing his previously stated boundaries.
OK now they’re fighting about the “damaging things” Kirra said to him, and how he feels like Bronte didn’t protect or defend him. “I’ll choose my family over you and day,” she bites.
Bronte confirms that Kirra called Bunnings Boofhead a “narcissistic, gaslighting dickhead”. Lyndall says Bunnings Boofhead also said these things about Bronte. I mean, probs. Who bloody knows at this point.
“I never called Bronte a dickhead,” he replies.
They’re fighting over who makes who feel crazy. Love relationships which radiate health.
“Your behaviour is not becoming of someone I would want to be in a relationship with,” he tells her. This makes me feel very uncomfortable. Feels like he’s lecturing or parenting her.
“I have never met anyone like you,” Bronte tells him.
“Thank you,” he replies and is he that far up his own ass he genuinely thought that was sincere?
“I mean that in the worst way possible,” she confirms.
The whole thing is a hot mess. How have they not killed each other yet?
Lyndall tells Bunnings Boofhead to chill the fuck out. But respectfully, of course!
I’m not sure if anyone knows this, but Bronte is “done”. She’s said it before and she’ll say it again!
She walks out and makes some rehearsed exit speech about never wanting to see him again.
Final vows! It’s almost over! Don’t let my use of exclamation marks fool you! I love this!
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer and host of We’ve Done The MAFS podcast. Follow her on Instagram or TikTok.
Stupidly obsessed with MAFS? Hey, no judgement here. Why not follow our brand new podcast We’ve Done The MAFS HERE and for a weekly dump of MAFS news to your inbox, sign up to our newsletter HERE.
