EVERYONE. It’s the last MAFS Commitment Ceremony and I’m truly so excited to get my life back soon. Are you?

Can’t wait to see how the MAFS experts and producers convince people to stay. At this rate, we’re going to have no one left for final vows.

In the lead-up to the CC, Evelyn and Rupert are being cute. So are Tahnee and Ollie. Cam and Lyndall? Well Lyndall looks cute, but their burning relationship? Not so much.

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
it’s a vibe

They’re still assessing their future after Cam said he would move for love, but he wouldn’t make compromises on his career for Lyndall. The math ain’t mathing.

Bronte is teasing some kind of mental clarity, which she likely had all along but just pretended she didn’t for maximum effect.

Alyssa thinks she gets grilled every week by the MAFS experts and if it’s continuously happening, maybe you’re continuously making questionable actions, sis? Just a thought.

Layton and Melinda are also in deep shit. Last we saw, Melinda stormed off at the MAFS dinner party and these two just keep going around circles, don’t they? I’m tired.

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
i tucked Bunnings Douche into that couch, FYI

Melinda says if she was watching a friend in a relationship like the one she’s in, she’d tell ’em to GTFO. Oh dear. That’s a harsh reality, isn’t it?

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
i can see clearly now, the pain has gone

They’re up first to the Ouch Couch. Show some vulnerability, Layton, please.

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
emotion is money

Melinda explains that they’re up shit cheek because of the couple swap challenge.

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i want to speak to the manager

Melinda explains that she felt judged by Layton for wanting to take part in the MAFS couple swap. She is getting upset and says that she feels doubt, worry and judgement in this relationship.

When he didn’t return back to their SKYE Suites apartment, she felt that her feelings were unconsidered. She also felt many other things, including but not limited to:

  • Resented
  • Neglected
  • Rejected
  • Abandoned
  • Guilty
  • Judged
  • Disliked
mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
i just have a lot of feelings

MAFS expert John Aiken tells Layton to let go or whatever it is that he is holding onto — likely a manila folder and several investment properties — and say sorry. Layton follows our king’s orders and then chooses to stay “with two exes”. BAHAHA.

Look when you say “two exes” out loud it sounds bad, doesn’t it? He put stay with two kisses — is that better? An upgrade from an underline last week and I can’t believe this is a sentence that I am writing.

Melinda is saying a speech to make us second-guess her decision, but chooses to stay with XOXO.

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
go piss girl

Layton thinks she chucked in some hugs to one-up him and then proceeds to smell her cheek.

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
stanky she-EO

Tahnee and Ollie are up and this will take three seconds, no doubt.

Wait, what’s happening? Ollie was weird after spending time with Lyndall? Apparently he was acting really passive after the MAFS couple swap.

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
u r still perfect in my eyes

Ollie says the challenge made him feel insecure about whether or not he is good enough for Tahnee, and whether or not he has been good enough as a partner. And then he says he feels like that a lot in life. Two thoughts: a) my heart and b) SAME.

They stay.

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
continue to give me hope, TY

MAFS expert Alessandra Rampolla tells Tahnee that she was shit at pretending she was going to do anything other than stay.

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
nice try sis

Before they leave, John gives the best speech of the entire MAFS season thus far.

“Hey Ollie,” John starts.

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
yes, king?

“You said you felt insecure and that you didn’t feel good enough.”

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
yes thanks I know, because I said it

“Everybody can feel that way at times. But not everyone has the ability to say it,” John continues.

“It’s brought you closer and everyone can learn from that. So well done. If you feel that way in the future, tell her those words and she’ll come closer, rather than stepping away. But well done, that was courageous.”

mafs recap mafs pedestrian mafs 2023
Proud of u baby boi

Could not have said it better myself. Love that from Ollie, love that from King John.

Tahnee, our sweet angel, tells Ollie that he is more than good enough for her and she doesn’t want him to feel that way. I AM OBSESSED WITH THESE TWO. Look at them communicating! Look at them expressing affection and deep insecurities! More relationships like this, please.

He thinks Tahnee is “absolute tops” and the MAFS experts are chuffed with themselves for this creation. Remember when Tahnee said she was “chuffed” with the night her and Ollie consummated? What a journey we’ve been on.

Evelyn the Powerpuff fembot is in the house with her inaudible mumbler, Rupert.

mafs recap mafs 2023 mafs australia
[inaudible bonding]
She tells the experts she would like to make a statement before turning to… Bunnings Douche (Harrison)?

“Yes, Evelyn?” he responds.

mafs recap mafs 2023 mafs australia

“I think everyone can agree that you’ve made comments about everyone on this couch in regards to their relationship,” she tells him.

“Everyone on this couch has made comments about us. That’s what you signed up for, love,” he responds in the most condescending fashion.

mafs recap mafs 2023 mafs australia
u little shit

“You’re a grown man, talking like that to females,” Melinda says.

"Everyone on this couch has made comments about us. That's what you signed up for, love."

“Don’t play the sex card, grow up,” he bites back.


I imagine he meant to say sexist? I’ve listened back three times and it sounds more like sex, though.

Queen Evelyn is quite upset now and says that she finds it hurtful how much of a kick Bunnings Douche gets out of the other couples’ issues. She feels like this week he was taking aim at Rupert and her.

ur tacky and i hate u

MAFS expert Mel Schilling tells them to wrap it up. But I also think she wants to do the chicken dance?

mafs recap mafs 2023
1, 2, 3, 4!

OK, back to their actual relationship. Evelyn wants to be “courted” by Rupert. She says if someone didn’t take her on dates and showcase chivalry on the outside she would’ve called it quits by now.

mafs recap mafs 2023
[inaudible disappointment in one’s self]
“Quite frankly, I just feel under-appreciated by Rupert and undervalued.”


Rupert says that typically he would take someone out to drinks if he liked them, but he’s been scared he would be rejected in this MAFS experiment. Is taking someone out to drinks, courting? Tinder dates that you’ve never met before get that?

Mel says home stays will be good for this courting issue? Um, how? He can take her for a stroll in his backyard? Mel also thinks the word “courted” is a bit old for someone as young as Evelyn to be using.


Something very weird is happening right now where Mel is roleplaying both Evelyn and Rupert and their use of the word “court”.

and then you said, I want to court you!!

She wants them to use “vibing” instead of “court”, but wants to know if that’s how “the kids say it”.


They stay.

Evelyn thanks Mel and Layton for sticking up for her during the Bunnings Douche debacle.

pleasure doing business with you

She then mouths “and fuck you” to the tradie himself and it’s truly beautiful areas.

go strip somewhere

Cam and Lyndall are up and it’s nice and awkward, isn’t it? I’m glad his hair is up, though. Cam tells the experts about his upcoming time “out bush”.

Oh, now he wants to compromise and come up with solutions! And now he’s saying he can “sneak a week off” and that his career isn’t a “forever thing”.

Lyndall lists the many things their relationship struggles with, including the elements needed for a long-distance relationship.

Alessandra asks the obvious question of why they haven’t talked about this until now. Cam says Lyndall doesn’t speak up. Lyndall says she doesn’t do that because she’s “scared” of his reaction. He doesn’t know where this Shiela got that idea from, hey! She doesn’t feel like a priority. And he feels like he’s opened up!

Lyndall “thinks yes” but his approach is weird and a bit black and white. Why don’t they look at each other when they talk? Cam wants to show off his way of life so he’ll stick around another week, it seems. She thinks they might not end up together but she still wants to stay this week??

mum’s gunna hate it (and you) but fuck it

Alyssa and Prince Eric (Duncan) are up and I’m already stressed.

Duncan says he’s had his hardest day here this last week where he felt rejected and broken. He also says he cried over the situation.

I cannot win with this woman

Alyssa didn’t know this and of course she has feelings about it.


“Alyssa, if I may interject, he’s telling you now,” Alessandra points out.

“He’s telling you,” Alyssa responds.

because i am reasonable

Alessandra tells Alyssa she should rethink how she responds to new information like this.

“If he’s met with questions as to why he did or didn’t, my sense is next time he might just not tell you,” Alessandra warns.

Mum’s crying.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023

She says that when she left to see her son, it had nothing to do with Prince Eric. She also says she wasn’t in the right headspace to give him her full attention and compassion.

Prince Eric says he doesn’t have an issue with this, he just wanted to let her know how he was feeling.

Decision time. They both stay but Alessandra says their decisions don’t match their energy. She lets them go regardless.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
thank u for adding an extra 10 minutes to the final vows episode

They’ve saved the worst for last: Bronte and Bunnings Douche.

Mel jumps right in with a lie and says she missed Bronte at the MAFS dinner party last night.

it was actually a nice reprieve

Bronte lies right back. “I know I was very sad that I wasn’t there,” Bronte replies. While literally smiling.

i was busy reading my script for tonight!

Mel wants to know where the relationship’s at right now. Bunnings Douche doesn’t know BUT he does know that a lot of work would need to be done for this to survive. Oh, he’s going to take some responsibility, apparently. This should be interesting.

“I’ve held Bronte accountable for dealbreakers and boundaries that I didn’t put in place,” he says. Interesting way to be accountable but sure.

His boundary? If a partner leaves in a moment of anger, it’s a dealbreaker.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
it wasn’t a dealbreaker the first 127 times?

Now don’t come at me, but I have real issues if someone leaves rather than talking things out too. But what he’s saying is insinuating that she hasn’t made an effort in this relationship and has instead decided to just leave. This is not true.

Bunnings Douche has issues with being called things like “manipulator” because it is really “damaging” for him. Having his character badmouthed is also an issue and dealbreaker for him. This sounds like we are in a defamation courtroom hearing.

stop doing shady shit then bro

Apparently Bunnings Douche told Lyndall that Bronte was fake, a gaslighter and many other names that are, in his words, “damaging” and that put her “character” into question.

Mel basically points out the hypocrisy here by asking Bronte if being called these names feels like an attack on her character (it does).

Showpo might not collab with me after this, yeah!!

Then Mel asks Bunnings Douche if there’s truth behind Lyndall’s claims.

“I genuinely don’t recall,” he says.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
here we fkn gooo

“You can’t play the amnesia card now,” Mel schools him.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
you would forget every wedding anniversary, wouldn’t ya

“Surely Harrison, if you called your wife fake and a gaslighter, you’d remember that,” Mel presses. Lyndall tries to refreshes his memory.

“I genuinely can’t remember saying those things,” he tells Mel. Again.

“I genuinely can’t remember saying those things,” he says. Again.

“And I genuinely don’t believe you,” Mel replies in the most amazingly condescending fashion.

i GENUINELY think you’re fucked

Mel tells Bunnings Douche that he has patterns — pointing out that she’s not talking about his character. It’s a big LOL.

“If I could remember saying it, genuinely, I would take accountability for it,” he claims.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
stop trying to make GENUINELY happen. It’s not going to happen!

“Are you calling Lyndall a liar?” Tahnee asks. He reckons he’s not saying she’s a liar, but that if he did say those things, he takes accountability for it. I feel dumber.

Bronte tells Bunnings Douche that she’s not fake (some alleged text messages say otherwise) and that she owns her shit.

gimme a leash for my poo! It’s mine!

Decision time. Please leave.



If they don’t leave I will flip my keyboard, lid and anything else I can find while still being able to get me rental bond back.

Oh fuck off! She starts rambling some shit about wanting Bunnings Douche to see her life before she makes the decision to leave for the 1,276th time.

SURELY. FUCKING. NOT.  I cannot. How many more times does she need to say she’s done before it means anything? Maybe you are fake, sis?

She wrote stay.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023

The same person who said she was “done” this week. The same person who was just told her husband called her every name under the sun.

all of Australia

Now she’s crying because she feels like she’s tried and put everything in the experiment. He is also staying and fuck me dead. He also said there is no way he’s writing stay and just bablbled some shit about dealbreakers.

Melinda asks if she can say something.


“So because Bronte broke your trust when she said she wanted to leave, two dinner parties in a row you said openly to us, when Bronte was not there, that you were 100 per cent done, you were leaving, there is absolutely no way you were staying,” Melinda says.

Lyndall jumps in to remind everyone on Bunnings Douche’s extensive vocabulary.

i’m go glad she brought this up

He remembers saying this one!

“The problem I have is that leaving this relationship is easy for me to do,” Bunnings Douche says. “Then I wouldn’t have to work on it.”

Bronte thinks she’ll have a better chance to be herself back in Perth and he wants more context as to who she is.

“Did you not say, at the boys night,” Ollie interjects. “That you didn’t want to go to Perth at all?”

but we rollerskate there, ask Lyndall!

“Yes, I did.”

“You didn’t want Bronte to be your tour guide,” Ollie reminds him.

He nods.

Melinda also said that Bunnings Douche reckons Bronte only wants to go to Perth to “hop in a bikini and show off.”


“YEP,” he says under his breatH. Stunning.

Mel tells him off for being a hypocrite for crossing his own boundary and asks why they’re still there.

Bronte uses the oldest line in the book which is that when things are good, they’re really good.

I can’t believe they let them stay. Stop polluting our air!


Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer and host of We’ve Done The MAFS podcast. Follow her on Instagram or TikTok.

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