MAFS Fans Are Getting Flashbacks To Year 10 After Watching Alessandra School TF Outta Harrison

MAFS expert Alessandra pursing her lips looking satisfied with tweet overlaid which reads: "DRAG HIM ALESSANDRA!"

We had our first Commitment Ceremony on Married At First Sight tonight and hooly dooly was it something. The gaslighting and deflection was real, as was the schooling of noted fuckhead Harrison by Alessandra (and a lil’ by John). Finally, some good fucking MAFS food!

Mel, Alessandra and John asked Harrison and Bronte how they were going and mans literally said it felt like a holiday ‘cos they’re on a “break” so he hasn’t seen much of her.

The people of the internet had literally seen his face for five seconds and were already done.

The experts then asked Harrison and Bronte to bring up their wedding night beef which, if I’m being honest, is a storyline that’s starting to break my brain. It’s the MAFS equivalent of the whole Felix/Jessica/Damien storyline which plagued The Bachelors and made me want to lobotomise myself.

The thought of me smooshing my prefrontal cortex aside, Harrison revealed his secret girlfriend Abby Miller helped him pack his bags for MAFS and took *that* pic the girly in the pink dress showed us at the wedding.

He started spinning a weave that was so big, even Shelob in The Lord Of The Rings wouldn’t be able to keep track of it. People on Twitter were confused as shit.

https://twitter.com/c_michelle2795/status/1624698302506889216

Actual icon Melinda said he had to get in the bin and the internet applauded her. As they should.

Then came the Alessandra dragging and it was everything we could hope for and more. It was divine. I was ready to roll over, turn on the telly and light up a cigarette. Obviously I couldn’t do that ‘cos I had to finish writing this story but let me tell you it was so fucking satisfying watching Alessandra hand Harrison his ass on a silver platter.

I know I spoke about myself a lot just then but the internet agreed with me.

Then came the pièce de résistance in the Harrison grilling.

“The place where your brain needs to be, perhaps shouldn’t be between someone else’s legs and body,” Alessandra said.

She really gagged him and Twitter was fucking gooped as well. Lives were changed.

https://twitter.com/luvmewho/status/1624698308005593088

We whizzed through the other couples on the Ouch Couch and when John started schooling Shannon for rooting his ex-fiancée a week before MAFS started, he gave Harrison a shoutout for his dogshit behaviour.

But rather than taking it on, Harrison told John it was “bullshit”. I actually guffawed. I screamed. The good people of Twitter were equally as shook.

The man’s brain needs to be studied like an animal at the zoo but that would be a waste of scientist’s time and resources, wouldn’t it? I’m sure he’ll be normal this week, which is Intimacy Week. Yay!!!

If you want to catch up on the rest of the chaos that went down at tonight’s Commitment Ceremony, you can read our yummy recap here.

If you’re still chomping at the bit for MAFS-related gossip, you can sign up to our newsletter here or give our podcast We’ve Done The MAFS (hehe) a listen.

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