Sandy has finally been freed from the shackles of MAFS and her beast-mode husband Dan. Run forth, my sweet angel.
For anyone who has a clue, this decision shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise, considering how dogshit Dan has been treating Sandy. The bloke announced at last week’s Commitment Ceremony that he wasn’t attracted to his objectively stunning wife and then slept with her, has been continually body-shaming her ‘cos she wasn’t as “active’ as him and kept getting mad that she didn’t like him going on six-hour runs. Among many other things.
The straw which seemingly broke the camel’s back for ol’ mate Beast-Mode was that seawater causes Sandy’s eczema to flare up, thus she doesn’t enjoy frequenting the big, watery beast that is the beach.
“The ocean is calling me. I have to go home,” he (sincerely) said. SCREAMING.
I genuinely wish I was joking but if I had a dollar for every time Dan said the words “beach” or “ocean” on the Ouch Couch tonight, I’d have a house deposit. He really didn’t want to pursue a relationship with a clever, beautiful, gutsy and emotionally-intelligent woman because she’s suffocating his desire to become one with the water and live out his days like Flipper and Lopaka.
The internet was shook. They did not realise MAFS‘ casting included creatures of the sea.
I love how Dan is like “I need to leave, I need to return to the ocean” like he’s a mermaid and not just a douche #MAFSAU
— Melanie Bracewell (@meladoodle) March 5, 2023
“The ocean is calling me. I have to go home.” Didn’t know Dan was a Merman! #MAFSAU
— PrudenceJane (@prudence_jane) March 5, 2023
LEAK: Dan spotted outside Melbourne bar with new woman #mafsau #mafs pic.twitter.com/nM1MR6dCXm
— Homely.Quail (@Homely_Quail) March 5, 2023
Now Dan can focus all his energy on his love of the ocean 🙄😆#MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/3gfXKvXWqH
— Luvy_Duvy (@KanjLuvy) March 5, 2023
The only thing calling for Dan in the ocean #mafsau #mafs pic.twitter.com/kxU2eaY9n2
— Linley Jane ☠️ (@Lone_Deranger_) March 5, 2023
The ocean watching this: #MAFS #MAFSAU #MAFSAustralia pic.twitter.com/We7Fy1flqg
— dr mimi🦇 (@drmimip) March 5, 2023
https://twitter.com/BuluBane/status/1632300575156244482
Dan might be in love with the depths of the ocean, but he’s a very shallow man #MAFSAU
— Not My Closet (@NotMyCloset) March 5, 2023
Others said the bloke legitimately thought he was the ocean’s chosen one à la Moana.
Dan from @MarriedAU is giving me Moana vibes. Is if he said “The ocean is calling me” 🙄 #Mafs #MAFSAU
— Lee Bailey (@leebailey11) March 5, 2023
#MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/6ji8F7DVm2
— Mad (@Madstar42) March 5, 2023
Dan is the new Moana. #MAFSAU
— Krystal.. (@1983Krystal) March 5, 2023
Dan thinks he’s farken Moana #MAFSAU
— Adam Howard (@adamOsaussies) March 5, 2023
The entire thing was ridonkulous. Praying that Sandy gets the support and help she needs following the clusterfuck of an experience she’s had on MAFS.
If you’d like to catch up on the rest of the drama that went down tonight (Tayla going rogue and boot-scooting back to Tassie! Harrison refusing to mind his own beeswax!) then make sure you check out our gorgy wee recap.
If you’re still chomping at the bit for MAFS-related gossip, you can sign up to our newsletter here or give our podcast We’ve Done The MAFS (hehe) a listen.