We Had A Lot Of Thoughts About Netflix’s ‘Love Wedding Repeat’ & None Of Them Are Happy Ones

Well folks, the Netflix gods have blessed us yet again with another fucking awful film: Love Wedding Repeat.

It has an absolutely abysmal 35% score on Rotten Tomatoes, but if that wasn’t enough to convince you to not touch this movie with a ten-foot pole, my colleague Vanna and I decided to put ourselves through all 100 minutes of this disastrous-yet-horny movie so you didn’t have to.

Hours later, I’m still confused and strangely sad-horny. Watch if you really want, but don’t come crying to me when you want that 100 minutes of your life back.

LAV: Okay, so I usually LOVE terrible rom-com-type movies but this was *too much* for me to handle. I’ve been sitting on it since last night and my brain is still like ??? What the fuck did I just watch???

VANNA: I’m a movie snob. I do not do rom coms unless it has 99% on Rotten Tomatoes. Unless of course, a pretty lady like our lovely managing editor, Mel asks me to watch it for work.

LAV: Meanwhile, I love really shitty movies and I have a major girl crush on Olivia Munn, so these sorts of movies are usually like crack to me. But holy shit, this was BAD.

VANNA: Yeah. But I think there is some sort of conspiracy theory that needs to be uncovered here. Movies aren’t this bad by accident. There is something going on over at Netflix, on a deeper level.

LAV: Oh for SURE. There’s no way this could’ve been this bad by accident. Netflix wanted us to suffer through this.

VANNA: Let’s start explaining the plot by saying: this movie wants to be ‘Death At A Funeral’ so bad. If there isn’t something deeper and darker going on (which I highly suspect), the movie is LITERALLY the same concept as ‘Death At A Funeral’, but they didn’t want to be sued for plagiarism so had to incorporate that butterfly effect theme into it.

LAV: Oh, Netflix are for sure making this bad on purpose. But yes, I whole heartedly agree with you on that. But also like I feel like I was watching two separate movies? The butterfly effect wasn’t even a part of the whole first half of the movie. It’s as if they got halfway through filming and were like “ahh fuck, it can’t get any worse, let’s just chuck a random butterfly effect in here to spice it up a little.”

VANNA: Totally. Or, they had all this footage and still couldn’t make a decent movie out of it, so they thought they would just make two. Now, a question: was the narrator Professor McGonagall?

LAV: OMG I swear it was Judi Dench, but apparently it wasn’t. It was Penny Ryder?? But I don’t know who the fuck that is. Also, the narrator is apparently called “The Oracle,” which seems way to spiritual for this god-awful movie.

VANNA: Oh my god that just says it all. *reading Wikipedia* “directed by Dean Craig, in his feature directorial debut” – no surprises there that it was a debut.

LAV: Dean, maybe hang up the boots. I’m not sure directing is for you.

VANNA: Oh my god the lead guy was the hot guy from The Hunger Games (Sam Claflin – Finnick)??? Why did he look so plain in this? Also, did they spend the whole budget on Olivia Munn?

LAV: Look, probably. But I spent the whole movie wanting to date her. It was the only reason I didn’t turn it off.

love marriage repeat
Why did I sign up for this?

VANNA: I could read on her face the whole time: “Oh my god what am I doing in this movie?” I am just so disappointed that I’m an office manager when there are people out there who can call themselves scriptwriters and put together a piece of junk like this. They just recycled the same jokes over and over that weren’t funny to begin with. It wasn’t edgy or original or funny or even cute. It was just plain bad.

LAV: Olivia Munn must’ve been paid BIG BUCKS for this. You can absolutely see the regret on her face. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate how many different storylines there were that I simply did not care about. To quote a very not sober me from last night: “There are already too many different people’s backstories to follow, I feel like Kilt Guy might be important but I truly just don’t care.”

VANNA: Not even so bad it’s good just bad, bad, bad. She totally fired her agent after this. She wanted the be in that movie less than her character wanted to be at the wedding.

LAV: Olivia Munn deserves better than this.

VANNA: COVID-19 didn’t turn me off Italy, but this movie did.

LAV: Oh yeah, this movie absolutely ruined Italy for me. Somehow this movie made me feel painfully single but also never want to get married because I’m scared it’ll remind me that this movie exists.

VANNA: Lav, that is so true. Also OMG Frieda Pinto is in this. She was in Slumdog Millionaire. How can she go from Oscar winning best picture to this? That is range.

LAV: OMG R.I.P. her career after this. Also, can we appreciate the fact that nobody on the set of this film gives a shit about responsible service of alcohol or drugs??

VANNA: Yeah the drugs/alcohol thing was overdone here for sure.

love marriage repeat
Did we mention drugs enough?

LAV: Like cool, cool, cool, we’re spiking drinks now. Very normal wedding energy.

VANNA: OMG the guy in the kilt. OMG the ex.

LAV: The ex who was definitely on more than just a ~lil bit~ of coke.

VANNA: What did we learn from this? Did you learn anything? Was the moral of the film to make sure your husband doesn’t find out you cheated on him?

LAV: I learned that it’s very normal to get married to a guy you’ve only known for six months AND already cheated on??? Like sorry babe, *maybe* you shouldn’t be getting married.

love marriage repeat
I met, cheated on and married my husband within six months. Give me a fucking medal.

VANNA: Why would they even make the 6 months thing into a good thing? Is anyone that worked on this movie normal?

LAV: Also, are we going to even mention the fact that the groom randomly dies in the middle??? And then they just go back into the butterfly effect thing like nothing happened???? Not to mention, how fucking awful was the acting in the montage at the start of the butterfly effect bit.

VANNA: OMG it was so nuts. And the film suddenly does the reverse thing turns into the butterfly effect caused by who you sit next to on the wedding table! Readers, we wish we had answers for you. But we too, only have questions. No conclusions can be drawn from this trainwreck of a film.

LAV: A question I still have, is why the fuck didn’t he just tell Olivia Munn he was trying to spike her ex’s drink?? Like, what a fun wedding adventure (disclaimer: I do not endorse drink spiking). I’m sorry but this wedding is bland AF Yes! let’s go on an adventure and spike some drinks bitch! YASSS.

VANNA: I know it was so weird. there was no reason he couldn’t tell her.

LAV:I’d *definitely* fuck the guy who wants to save the day by drugging the weirdo ex.

VANNA: OMG who would you fuck? Is it the best man at the wedding? He could probably get it off me.

LAV: Umm, not gonna lie, Chaz reminds me of a guy I once fucked and *not* in a good way. So, probably him. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the realistic option.

VANNA: OMG lol.

VANNA: I feel inspired to try and make a film, and if it goes to shit, I will still be able to sell it to Netflix and a couple of young cuties like ourselves can write an article out of it.

LAV: Vanna, you should do it.

VANNA: The best man had Dean Lewis vibes a-la Top Hits. I cannot believe Finnick from The Hunger Games! I mean, FINNICK!

LAV: Finnick could get it though, not gonna lie. ALSO what about the brother telling Olivia Munn (who he’s never even kissed) that he loves her, then not chasing after her, then somehow running after her like 10 minutes later and catching her even though she would’ve been in fucking Mexico by then??? And then it just… ends???? What the fuck kinda ending is that?!

VANNA: Yes Lav, I specifically wanted to discuss the running scene. How did he know where to find her? How was she still waiting on the phone? She literally could have been in Mexico by the time he found her.

love marriage repeat
Why aren’t men chasing me down the streets of Rome to profess their undying love?

LAV: Like, are we ignoring the hurricane she’s on her way to report on? How is she even getting back to Mexico?

VANNA: Why was she still there?

love marriage repeat
Why are you not in Mexico yet?

LAV: Sorry bro, if you didn’t chase after me IMMEDIATELY you are not worth my time.

VANNA: Did you have any genuine laughs from this film that wasn’t out of how bad it was?

LAV: I did not, but I ended up feeling really sorry for Kilt Guy, so thats some sort of feeling.

love marriage repeat
I love this man.

VANNA: LOL. I didn’t get any chuckles. This movie did have big horny energy though, without being explicit. It was very sex, sex, sex.

LAV: Oooft ain’t that the truth.

VANNA: The bride looked like Sophie Turner. She was cute in a way.

LAV: SHE DID! But do you know who it was?

VANNA: No idea.

LAV: LOUIS TOMLINSON’S SISTER!

VANNA: Get out!

LAV: I think. Wait. Let me fact check that. *fact checks* Scratch that. Same last name, not related at all. Anywayyyyyy.

VANNA: Ahhhhh. This movie was so cringe, especially towards the end, that I had to watch it while staring out of the window.

LAV: I had to chase this movie with a four-hour binge sesh of Gourmet Makes on YouTube because it was *that* bad.

VANNA: Okay so, at the end there was that speech from the best man to Finnick (Jack in this movie, Finnick in The Hunger Games) and it was like “everything in life is a chance, just that fact that you were born is like a crazy series of unlikely chances and you must take ever opportunity given to you etc, etc. It low key inspired me to text my ex but I think that was the weed and the isolation talking.

LAV: DO NOT TEXT YOUR EX.

VANNA: Girl, you know I did. Anyway, back to the film…

love marriage repeat
The only two emotions you can feel watching this movie.

VANNA: The editing, bad. The direction, bad. The writing, bad. The acting, bad. What was the redeeming quality?

LAV: The only redeeming quality was looking at Olivia Munn for 100 minutes and even SHE didn’t wanna be in on it.

VANNA: I’m sorry, I love ya Lav, but Olivia Munn could not redeem the movie.

LAV: Oh, this was still a fucking horrible movie. Olivia Munn tried, but this was beyond saving.

VANNA: I’m trying to think of a nice thing to say about it. Maybe it knew it was bad? They all had to have known, you can see it on their faces.

LAV: You’d want to hope so. It’s too bad to not be on purpose.

love marriage repeat
Me watching this movie.

VANNA: Totally. but “why” is my only question. Maybe it was a sponsored movie with sneaky advertising? Or maybe Netflix has an internship program and every one who puts the movie together is an intern? Or maybe they makes movies for the sake of being bad for a lol? I don’t know, I wish I knew. Only time will tell.

LAV: Maybe it was just a little self-iso gift for us all to make us appreciate the good things in life, like things that aren’t this fucking god-awful movie?

VANNA: Great point, it worked.

LAV: I have a newfound appreciation for Gourmet Makes for cleansing my soul after I tainted it with this shit show.

VANNA: I have a new appreciation for everything that isn’t this movie. Like… my period, coronavirus, and Jeff from Tiger King.

LAV: Ain’t that the truth! A side note I should’ve mentioned earlier: can we please appreciate that this movie has NOTHING to do with the couple actually getting married??? Like, I don’t even know the groom’s name.

VANNA: There was no back story on anyone. At all. We couldn’t have been less invested in these characters. There was literally no point in watching the film because you couldn’t care about them, even if you tried. Like on the second part of the film, the wife just gets away with cheating on the husband and she shows no remorse. Literally no thinking went into this film. Words cant describe how baffled I am.

OMG MY CONSPIRACY IS: THIS FILM WASN’T WRITTEN MY A PERSON, IT WAS WRITTEN BY A COMPUTER. I just cracked the code. It must’ve been. I’m being serious.

love marriage repeat
The producers at Netflix praying that Olivia Munn could save this movie.

LAV: The “I made a computer watch 100 hrs of wedding movies and this is what it created” thing.

VANNA: YES, EXACTLY. This movie doesn’t make sense, it LACKS human emotion.

LAV: VANNA, YOU HAVE CRACKED THE CODE.

VANNA: I’m being serious when I say that. There is no other explanation.

LAV: Oh absolutely. That IS the explanation.

VANNA: Netflix is TESTING computer script writing technology. Computers write music and everything now they even make art, but fuck me dead, they cannot write a rom-com.

LAV: Netflix, if you’re reading this. It doesn’t work. Please stop. Your lemon wedge story is a better rom com than this, Van.

VANNA: I am shooketh at myself. Someone give me a conspiracy theory series. I have no doubt a computer wrote the script, no doubt.

LAV: 100%. You have cracked the code. That is absolutely what this is, without a doubt.

VANNA: No doubt. *makes No Doubt reference*.

LAV: Hopefully they never give us a movie this bad ever again, because we will call them the fuck out.

love marriage repeat
Well, that’s 100 minutes of my life I’m never getting back.

VANNA: We cant be wasting our life on this shit no more, we are in our twenties.

LAV: We deserve better horny rom coms!

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