So earlier today, I wrote about my absolute disbelief that new recruit for Love Island Australia, Jaxon Human, could possibly be actually called Jaxon given he looks exactly like Charlie Hunnam and loves motorbikes. In case you ceebs going back to read my OG article (rude) Jaxon is the name of the lead character in Sons Of Anarchy, played by Charlie Hunnam. There you go.

Anyway, many of you BERATED me in the comments because you’d already heard of Jaxon – many of you had seen him naked (or partly naked) in fact. Because, as you all pointed out – Jaxon is actually a stripper. A stripper who is MEANT to be modelled off the Sons Of Anarchy character, in fact.

There was little evidence of this via Google (honestly, try “Jaxon stripper Australia”, it doesn’t work) until someone bloody DM-ED us the link to his bio. Thank you millions, dear reader.

He’s listed on Men Of Dreams, a Melbourne-based company that seems to do stage shows as well as private party packages for hen’s nights and so on. Here’s the main pic showing off the performers on the site. That’s Jaxon on the far right, btw.

OOOOFTY. Also quick note – some entertainers don’t refer to themselves as strippers, but the site frequently references it’s entertainers as “male strippers” so I will continue to refer to Jaxon as a stripper. K? K.

Anyway, it gets better. Jaxon (he goes by “Jax” on the site) has an entire fucking gallery dedicated to his hotness. It’s a good time for anyone who is currently avoiding real work (me) – honestly, look at this AMAZING BULLSHIT.

I’ve died bye. I don’t care if his arm tatt is MAYBE a whirring motorcycle wheel which is absolutely the worst. He is Babetown population Only Him and I’m 1000000% here for it, end of story.

I’ll just be over here fanning myself until I calm down.

Ok I’ve calmed down. Here’s his bio on the site:

If you have a Sons of Anarchy fantasy, this is your man. The bad boy with a heart of gold, Jax will not only bring your wildest fantasies to reality. But he’ll also show you what a true gentleman can do.

I fucking love this guys. I think I’ve been missing a really enjoyable pastime in going to male stripper shows. That description is just bloody fantastic. “he’ll also show you what a true gentleman can do”. WHAT IS IT. WHAT IS THE TRUE GENTLEMAN GOING TO DO TO ME I MUST KNOW.

Here’s my vote – let’s all pool our money okay? I’ll make a Kickstarter or whatever. Anything. One of those money things. And we all put money in and then I BOOK THIS GUY in to give us all lap dances. He’ll be giving lap dances until the end of time if we all play our cards right, and also be fucking rich. Alternatively, as I do not actually know if he gives lap dances, we just book him for one of the private shows the company offers, but it runs all night and we have leftover money from the Kickstarter to throw at him and tuck in his undies if he’ll let us.

Thoughts? Into it? I’ll get onto it then.