I can SENSE trouble is about to go down you guys – we must be close to this season of Love Island Australia wrapping, given The Bachelorette is about to end. We have far too many people in this villa, and that means ELIMINATIONS.

But there weren’t any eliminations tonight, instead we got ANOTHER new villa addition, which seems insane to me. But let’s start from the… start.

After the non-elimination, Adam reveals how extremely over Cartier he is. Is this man a demon? He has no emotions about this at all? Fuck.

He also seems to have turned into a thumb in a shirt.

Meanwhile, Matt and Cartier are finding it incredibly awkward trying to figure out their connection while Adam lopes around the kitchen. It’s PAINFUL to watch.

heyyyy buddy

Everyone goes to sleep, nothing of note happens. In the morning, Adam gets a text – he and Luke are going… fishing??? Ok.

they were absolutely just throwing lines into a stagnant fishless pond

Of course, this isn’t about fishing – it’s about bringing in a new girl in the weirdest possible way! Margarita just walks down the beach like she arrived by boat from Brissie.

“Hi! I’ve got scurvy!”

Both Luke and Adam froth her hard. They all walk back to the villa, and everyone loses their goddamn minds over a new face like the prisoners they are.

The girls take Margarita aside and ask who she’s into. She says Luke and Adam, which obviously puts Cartier off a bit.

love this for me

She says Matt is “too sooky” for her liking which is like… can we not shit on men who express real emotions? It’s 2019, men can cry and say they’re upset. Although I will agree that Matt is a bit of a tanty-thrower in the sense that he has big baby meltdowns over like, Isabelle daring to like someone else.

Cartier and Matt talk about Margarita and whether he’s into her. He says he’s chatting to both of them and hasn’t decided – but does tell the boys that if it was between them, Margarita’s more his type.

Also, can Matt look more enthused when talking to Cartier? Don’t you know we’re ROOTING FOR YOU GUYS!

*thinks about whether morning poo was a sign of constipation or normal in size and shape*

Margarita sits down to ~chat with intent~ with Adam, and ends up bizarrely deciding that lying on her side is normal areas when first talking to literally anyone.

right in front of my salad

She acts far more normally with Luke, and tbh I see more vibes between them. Then it’s time for her to go on a date… with Blake, Jessie’s partner. She’s stressed about it, especially since it involves a hot tub.

“is there vitamin c in champagne bc I really do have scurvy from my 2 month journey”

Then everyone grills Cartier and Matt WHILE THEY SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER about where their relationship is heading. What?? Who organised this? Just talk to them each privately in weird corners of the villa like normal people.


Todd comes back (NO WAIT ITS BLAKE FUCK) and he’s like there was no connection, I still like you Jessie. She’s thrilled, of course.

Im thrilled of course

Then Matt gets a text – he’s been invited into the Hideaway to hang with Margarita. Her name is getting annoying to spell so I’m just going to call her Pizza now.

Pizza gives Matt a very platonic hug.

this just screams sexual chemistry

They seem to have a really good time, and she’s very much Matt’s type apparently. But then at the end of their date it’s like, ok guys but this is a SIDE HUG.

this is how I would hug my creepy cousin or my grandpa

She sits down with Luke when she gets back, and there’s huge vibes. According to Adam, who is sooking with someone else on the balcony, Luke reckons he’s all but got coupling up with Pizza in the bag. They def seem the most vibey.

Then it’s time to party with Pizza – while I think it was a MISSED OPPORTUNITY to not make everyone literally cook pizzas, the Deliveroo spread they got was all time. Can someone just bulk order me these noodle platters? Thanks.

fuck yeah just bury me in the noodles thanks

Everyone has a boogie and then Cynthia/Aaron go and be extra cute near the fire pit. These guys, I love them?

Thank GOD someone realised Cynthia was the Queen

Adam’s decided that Pizza isn’t “his flavour”. Hmmmm couldn’t be that she’s barely given you the time of day today, mate?

In absolutely MENTAL areas he literally tells Pizza TO HER FACE “I like natural girls”. What the shit? Pizza looked like she wanted to take his Love Island water bottle and shove it directly up his asshole, and tbh same.

yeah lol extremely fuck you and your dumb bowl cut

My money’s on her partnering up with Luke, but who knows. Looks like there ARE eliminations tonight, so Pizza might be outta here before you can say “extra cheese” anyway.