FINALLY some spice up in this bitch, babey! Love Island episode 16, I bloody love you. I deeply, within my soul, love this episode.
[jwplayer r9SlIwU8]
Why? BECAUSE YOGHURT EXITED THE BUILDING IN THE MOST EMBARRASSING WAY POSSIBLE. I think this show is eroding my morals, but right now I don’t care. It was sweet justice to see Mr. Big Dog get shunted.
But I’m jumping ahead! Let’s recap.
We come back to Cartier and Adam all loved-up in The Hideaway. No rumpy-pumpy has occurred, of course. Meanwhile Aaron has decided he likes Cynthia – the first man to GET IT. No, Maurice doesn’t count. Fuck yeah to The Queen finally getting some attention around here.
Isabelle is kicking herself for friend-zoning Matt, because now she kind of likes him. NO SHIT, MATE. You’ve hundo realised the pickings are slim in this house and consist of Yoghurt, who loves his left tricep more than he loves anyone else, and Aaron who is as interesting as a beige pillow with stains on it.
They end up having a sneaky night pash in bed. Meanwhile Aaron, thank CHRIST, has hidden his vampiric ways and is sleeping normally.
In the morning, Cartier makes eggs for Adam while Yoghurt tries his absolute best to be funny, doing a very bland David Attenborough impression that goes for far too long.
Josh and Anna are being cute, Gerard lets Jessie pop a pimple on his head and like, this is such a mood guys – I was once allowed to squeeze my ex’s blackheads and YES he broke up with me a week later but I choose to believe the events are not connected, and he missed me whenever he saw his clear pores ok.
Jordan and Yoghurt are NOT doing well – she says she’s stuck between feelings for Matt and feelings for Yoges, but the body language says “I am deeply bored by you, dude”.
Matt’s still trying to make Kahonas/Cojones/whatever happen, and look it probably is going to happen because look what happened with FANNY FLUTTERS, you know? Fuck this show and how it lets stupid phrases get into our vocab (I say as my podcast All Aussie Mystery Hour has brought back “zesty”…)
In an absolutely RUDE turn of events, we go and play Social Bingo, where people’s social media comments about the cast are revealed with names blanked out. The rude bit? NONE OF MINE ARE IN THERE. I shit on these people all the time! Producers! Hello!!
The big things to note are – someone has suggested Cartier’s playing the game, and she gets upset by it even though Adam DGAF. Biannca used to date someone from 5SOS. People think Anna’s gonna get her heart borked by Josh. People think Luke suits Isabelle more than Cassie.
Nothing else of note happens besides everyone being all ohhhhh waaah do you really like me blah blah boring boring. Then Sophie marches in! There’s a re-coupling… but in shocking news, it’s the girls turn to be in charge even though there’s more gals than guys.
The Bomb Squad are out of play as the OG gals choose their dudes. Cartier makes the sappiest, most vom-inducing speech before choosing Adam.
Anna picks Josh, Cassie picks Luke, Cynthia picks Aaron and Jessie picks Gerard. It leaves Matt and Yoghurt solo. YIKES.
The Big Dogs do NOT like it.
The Bomb Squad are up – they have to decide who to save and who to bin. But! Yoghurt, in a fit of ego-bruised mania, starts shouting about going home of his own volition. Sophie is like dude you’re ruining it.
The Big Dogs are absolutely losing the plot over being on the chopping block. They simply cannot handle the ego blow.
The three Bomb Squad gals head off to chat, but Jordan is all “you guys talk because I can’t choose”, then proceeds to butt in when Isabelle is talking anyway.
In the end, they choose to boot Yoghurt. Matt cries – I’m starting to think he’s just a bit of a crier and it’s not all for show, which is actually really nice.
Jordan hugs Yoghurt like he’s her boyfriend and it pains her to see him go, even though she kind of… let him go. Also Jordan, you can always leave beb if you wanna date the guy.
Jessie, fast leveling up to Queen status for her take-no-bullshit-from-men attitude, goes to say bye to Yoghurt and he has a pissy baby bitch over how he was “dumped and then dumped again”, meaning how he and Jessie split before the Bomb Squad. Her response? “You didn’t have to come back with someone new”. LOOOOL CHECK FUCKING MATE RIGHT THERE BABEY!
Aaaand that’s it! Matt cries a bit more but to be fair his bestie mate just left, so I back these tears. He’s just sad over his mate! Who he will see in 3 weeks but that is an aside.
