‘LOVE ISLAND’ RECAP: Uh Oh, Jessie’s On The Chopping Block After Yoghurt Dumps Her

I’ve figured it out, guys. Atm, Monday’s episode of Love Island is primo, because there’s been DAYS of content for the producers to work with. By the end of the week it kinda peters out and is a bit snoozey.

[jwplayer r9SlIwU8]

We come back to the Islanders as they’re playing a mildly drunk game of Truth Jenga, which is basically Jenga but there’s truth and dare tiles. Of course at some point someone dares the boys to kiss, so Yoghurt kisses Matt then freaks out into oblivion.

Jordan says her first attraction in the villa was Yoghurt, and then Matt says out of Vanessa and Jordan he’d pick Jordan. It’s all very Yoghurt vs. Matt, and I just feel this can only end in tears.

*racks brain for dare* KISS A MAN HAHAHAHA LOL SO WEIRD

There’s also, of course, girl-doing-sexual-act-on-boy, which Yoghurt loses his fucking mind over.


Jordan takes Yoghurt aside and is all “ok so you ONLY like me now?” and he’s like yes, I was just sexually attracted to Isabelle but you are my normal type. Whatever the fuck that means. It’s all veeeery convenient considering a) Isabelle doesn’t actually like Yoghurt and b) Yoghurt fucked it with Jessie.

Jordan laps it up though because she’s super into Yoghurt. She asks if he’d pick her if he went before Matt in a recoupling, and he is very faux-distraught.

oh noeeeeee I’m so upset about this lol no I’m not I have no soul

Luke meanwhile told Isabelle he’d pick her in the Jenga game, but then he’s like “lol anything could happen” which is just delightful and she obviously loves it. Not.

love this for me

He’s essentially like, I’d pick Cassie if she was being more keen on me but she isn’t. Which is not a good sign. The next morning he just stands in the shower naked and maybe crying, which is a vibe.

honestly, same

Meanwhile we’re reminded that the OG girls have been in jail for days. Did they get food? Did they get to shower? I have so many questions.

Fun twist the girls never leave, show turns into Lord Of The Flies

There’s a cute moment where Josh and Adam talk about how excited they are to see Anna/Cartier. I mean it’s cute if they’re not just playing a long game, I’m too cynical now – I don’t trust anyone.

Luke STILL hasn’t bloody decided who he likes more, Cassie or Isabelle. Isabelle’s quickly getting very over it.


He goes for a stress swim and then tries to drown himself. Also a vibe. This guy knows how to do a good anxiety sesh, let me tell you.


Jordan then pulls Yoghurt for a chat RIGHT IN FRONT OF MATT.

Right. In front. Of my SALAD

Yoghurt comes back and Big Dogs all over Matt, saying Jordan wants him and not Matt. Josh and Adam call him on his shit, being like “dude, why didn’t you choose her first” and he’s all “I did it for Matt” which they are hundo not buying.

yeah righto cunt

Then there’s an awkward moment where Angel is all “Matt I like you” and he is very yeah nah about it and immediately tells Isabelle “maybe I should couple up with you”. CHRIST. It’s brutal. Angel walks off pretending to take it on the chin but mate, no human could.

Alexa play Someone Like You

Then it’s time for the OG’s to go BACK INTO THE VILLA! But when they walk in, no one’s around.


Turns out the new girls and the dudes have vacated the premises, so they mooch around for a while before Jessie gets a text – go get changed because there’s a recoupling.

Cynthia loses her shit in a moment of pure reality TV gold.

Purgatory really got to her huh

Sophie comes in wearing the dress Drew Barrymore wore in the Never Been Kissed flashback scene.

I’m not Grossie Sophie anymore

She tells the OGs that all the dudes are coming back in, but MAYBE with new ladies. But first up is previously single Matt, who comes in with… Isabelle. Interesting.

Jessie gives Isabelle the fakest smile I’ve ever seen.

welcome babe, and I mean babe in the most pass agg way poss

Then Cartier stands up, ready to face Adam – new partner or not. He barrels in, and it’s VERY fucking cute you guys.

oh god my cold dead heart is melting

Then Cynthia stands to wait for her “friend” Gerard. Anyone else ship these two? I know Gerard’s into Jessie but I’d way rather see him with Cynthia. He returns solo and tells Sophie it’s because he wants to pursue Jessie, who is fucking stoked.

Thank FUCK now Yoghurt can do what he wants

Then it’s Cassie’s turn – Luke comes back solo, and she’s stoked… but then he tells Sophie he’s been weighing two girls up in his mind. Isabelle watches on like “fucken what are you gonna say about me mate huh? HUH?”

What am I, chopped liver

He then comes out with it and says the other woman was Isabelle, and it’s all bitchy looks round the fire pit, baby!

WTF #1
WTF #2 with added dead-inside vibes

Anna and Josh reunite, blah blah then it’s time for Jessie. We all know Yoghurt’s walking in with Jordan, and while Jessie’s like “well I wanna get to know Gerard so I hope Yoghurt’s moved on” her face when he DOES indeed prove he’s moved on is, well…

Excuse the fuck me

Yoghurt looks like a smug cunt, of course.

lol soz about it

All the single ladies – including the spare Bomb Squad – line up. They’re all at risk of being dumped, but there’s a twist. BAM! New guy Aaron starts strutting in and he’s QUITE the babe.

I mean, in a tanned and coiffed way, y’know.

We’re left on a cliffhanger – is the deal that only one girl will be saved by Aaron? Is some other shit going down? I hate cliffhangers, I have hives from anxiety now. THANKS LOVE ISLAND.