The First Ep Of Love Island Australia Brought Us A Fkn ‘Yuge Curveball & The Internet Is Shook

Stella and Andre on Love Island Australia 2022 looking shocked; Stella's mouth is wide open and Andre is holding his hands to his mouth. A tweet is overlaid that reads: "Wow that episode has already got me rattled".

By

Isabella Corbett

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Love Island Australia 2022 is finally back and God, how I’ve missed it. From the impeccable drama to the the pithy commentary from Eoghan McDermott (delivered with a charming Irish lilt, of course), it’s simply a show that never misses.

As far as first episodes go, the one we saw on Monday delivered bitesize chunks of everything we expect to see from Love Island Australia. There was a big ol’ mullet, nonsensical dancing in those weird introductory montages the producers force the contestants to do, and one girl reckons she’s rooted more than 10 AFL players. There was also a shock ending that bamboozled all of us. It was, as a chef would say, umami.

And the folks of Twitter agreed with me, taking to Elon Musk‘s bastard digital child to share their thoughts and feelings about the season premiere of Love Island Australia 2022.

As we already know, the season was filmed in Mallorca, Spain — the same place Love Island UK is filmed. As some eagle-eyed fans spotted, it looked like the Australian producers decided to use the UK version’s Casa Amor as the main villa. The Spanish architectural version of Freaky Friday, if you will.

I don’t know about you, but one of my absolute favourite things about Love Island is the camaraderie one builds by live tweeting the show. You don’t even want to know about the hoops I jumped through to stream Season Eight of the UK version so I could watch it at the same time as everyone in England and get involved on Twitter.

However, in a bizarre twist of broadcasting fate, Nine will only be airing the show via 9Now. The episodes are set to hit your laptop screens at 6pm every day from Monday to Thursday, which is great if you’re fanging for a Love Island Australia fix before dinner, but not that amazing if you want to live tweet the show.

Unsurprisingly, the nosy Nellies of Twitter were a bit devo about this.

https://twitter.com/heretocommentt/status/1586979455050076160

We met our guys and girls and TBH, folks didn’t seem to care that much. I cared and have already begun psychoanalysing each and every contestant (one of my favourite past times).

But this article is not about me! It’s about what the internet thought and they were not overly concerned about the cringe things the contestants said and did as they introduced themselves to us.

For example, when Sydney personal trainer Mitchell Eliot briefly did the worm and described himself as “the nicest fuck boy in the world” who “fucks girls over on accident”. Happens to the best of us, really!

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In saying that, one person did seem slightly disappointed by the smorgasbord of man meat Love Island Australia 2022 served up, comparing the Aussie fellas to the blokes we saw on Love Island UK Season Eight.

Points were made! I know I would commit state and federal crimes for the chance to speak to Jay Younger for just five minutes.

Our sexy singles coupled up. Mitchell (aka fuck boy worm) chose Sydney fashion student Phoebe Spiller, who said she’s hooked up with more than 10 AFL players. Absolutely love that for her. She’s out there living my dream.

Perth mental health support worker Andre Coutinho, who rated himself an 8.73 recurring out of 10, picked Adelaide medical secretary and Italian icon Claudia Bonifazio.

Sydney real estate agent Conor Howard, who said if he could describe himself in “property terms” he’d be a “five bedroom waterfront north facing property in the heart of Sydney”, picked Melbourne dancer Layla John.

Mulleted Gold Coast electrician Jordan Dowsett stole Claudia from Andre, and then Sydney spray painter and semi-professional soccer player Austen Bugeja picked Layla.

This meant Andre and Conor both got to pick another girl. Andre chose Brisbane radio media coordinator Stella Hutcheon and Conor picked Sydney bank worker and proud gamer girl Jessica Losurdo.

This meant poor Holly Oakes-Ferguson, a customer service officer from Brisbane who was giving major bob goals, was single.

Conor did not waste any fucking time and went straight for a pash with Jessica. They were literally talking about siblings when he laid one on her mid-convo, which is an extremely normal thing to do with someone you’ve known for 30 minutes max.

Twitter thought he was exhibiting red flag behaviour. I am inclined to agree.

https://twitter.com/jasmines_muffin/status/1587011284385427456?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1587011284385427456%7Ctwgr%5Ebb04eecb3e9da40bc46385ce2ed32ce391b9d77f%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pedestrian.tv%2Fwp-admin%2Fpost-new.php

The bloke doubled down on his ick behaviour at night, when the islanders played a saucy game of truth or dare. Conor copped a dare to kiss his favourite islander and did not pash Jessica — who he’s coupled with — but Claudia.

As the girls on Derry Girls would say, it was bad craic, especially after he was all over Jessica earlier that day.

Jessica pulled Conor aside and the pair headed to that day bed (the girls who get it, get it et cetera) to explain why she was taken aback by the smooch, and also warn him that she was there to meet someone and didn’t want him to lead her on.

Conor responded by telling Jessica she was being a bit of a baby and he loved it and it was turning him on (??) and he wanted to keep her smiling (???). He also said he wasn’t interested in any other islanders and smooching Claudia actually brought him closer to Jessica.

Obviously, Twitter had some thoughts on this behaviour.

https://twitter.com/emmwa75/status/1586991438801227776

Arguably the pièce de résistance of the show was the ending, when the islanders were called to the fire pit immediately. For Love Island Australia, that’s basically the equivalent of the robot in Lost in Space saying “Danger, Will Robinson!”

It was at the fire pit we learned there would be a recoupling and single gal Holly had the power to break up a couple by stealing a beau. She picked Jordan, which was mildly devastating because he seemed to be getting on beautifully with Claudia.

Claudia then received a text alerting her that she had to pack her bags and leave the island immediately. The poor girl was single for less than five minutes and got booted from the fucking villa. Cutthroat.

Folks on Twitter lost their collective minds at how muggy this move from the producers was. Shit well and truly hit the fan.

https://twitter.com/jasmines_muffin/status/1587017758503362561

And that’s that! Episode one of Love Island Australia 2022 is done and dusted. As Twitter user Bella so eloquently said: “Wow that episode has already got me rattled”.

https://twitter.com/mcfcbella/status/1587005986945966080

Can’t bloody wait to see what the rest of the season has in store. If you’re fanging to give Love Island Australia a watch, head to 9Now.

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