‘LOVE ISLAND’ RECAP: RIP Yoghurt, No Longer Mr. Big Dog Pissing All Over The Yard

Welp, that was the most boring Love Island Australia episode in existence. Did anything happen? At all? I don’t even know because I fell into a deep online sales hole and wasn’t entirely paying attention.

[jwplayer r9SlIwU8]

JOKES I was paying enough attention to follow on with what was going down. Does anyone genuinely watch this show? Aren’t we all just playing on our phones/trying to keep our dog off the kitchen bench (me) and just absorbing the info by osmosis?

Anyway, we come back to ~DaBoiz~ as they huddle around in a bro-circle deciding who gets to sleep next to which new girl. Because the women definitely don’t want to choose or anything.

“Bags Isabelle”

To be fair, they then get the girls to stand at a table one by one, and give them their top two ideal bed buddies. Still, it’s fucking weird.

GIVE US TWO NAMES!!! NOW!!! NO TIME WASTING!

Luke ends up with Isabelle while Matt and Jordan decide to bed-share. Yoghurt (Eoghan) is insanely jealous of Luke about the Isabelle sitcho because he likes her, too.

Meanwhile the OG girls are still in purgatory – aka the Hideaway, where yes, they have been forced to share a bed.

Pretend you love being squashed into a small Queen, ladies!

During the night, Luke and Isabelle have a bit of a pash. Nothing else of note happens, and in the morning, Gerard is still trying to make “nude chef” happen. No one cares, man. Stop putting that horrible apron on and find some knickers.

nude chef isn’t going to happen

Then it’s time for the grossest game in the Love Island franchise – the kissing competition. Honestly if I went on a show and someone was like “can you kiss these six men” I’d be like – yeet me into the ocean now please, I would rather perish at sea.

“I know who that is! It’s a DEMENTOR”

Everyone froths Jordan and Isabelle’s kissing abilities, and Yoghurt goes full douchelord and grabs Isabelle’s ASS MID KISS. Fucking no, dude.

“I thought it was your arm”

Also for some godforsaken reason, everyone is wearing sneakers with their togs.

Are you going on a 5km run soon? If not, take them off

Yoghurt is trying REALLY, really hard to get Isabelle to like him, but she just doesn’t bloody like him – at least, not as much as she likes Luke. It’s wild scenes to see Mr. Big Dog get rejected for once, and he clearly isn’t enjoying pissing his pants instead of pissing the yard.

You don’t like THIS??? This mild receding HAIRLINE??? This arrogant ATTITUDE???

The OG’s get sent to some boggy marshland to have bevvies, and clearly think they’re getting a swathe of new hot men – they’re all spruced up and ready to mingle.

love this boggy marshland for us

Instead they get another Love Island Times – with pics of all the make out sessions from the kissing game. Even Cartier is freaking out, because Adam’s in there pashing someone. Never mind that he was forced to against his will!

Back at the ranch, Yoghurt is really going hard on Isabelle, hounding her about talking to Luke re: Cassie and where his feelings lie. She’s like beb, back off kindly.

pls fuck off now Yoghurt

After being rejected for the 4,564th time, Yoghurt decides the best course of action is to dog Matt and start hitting on Jordan. Big Dog vs. Big Dog, babey!!!

oi Jordan, you haven’t met me ay but like, wanna be my gf

He’s all “noooooo beb I’m not going for you now just because Isabelle rejected me for the 50th time” and she’s not really buying it but liking the attention nonetheless.

…..wot

Gerard tells some girl whose name I’ve forgotten bc I don’t care that he has feelings for Jessie. Then Yoghurt goes and tells Matt he hit on Jordan, which goes down a treat.

BIG DOG, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME

Anyway that’s literally it!!! That’s all that happened!!! Please god can the producers now shove the OG’s out of purgatory and back into the house for some primo drama tonight? PLEASE! I BEG YOU!

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