Louis CK Was Definitely Not High on Twitter Today

Guys, don’t worry, in spite of what you may have been thinking, Louis CK was NOT Tweeting while high earlier today. He was just thinking some very deep thoughts about how the universe just, like, blows his mind, man, and graciously decided to share them with us in a series of rambling status updates.

It all began when CK, definitely not feeling a righteous buzz worthy of a high school kid smoking up for the first time, started to contemplate the possibility of life on Mars:

It really feels like Mars used to be a here that got globally warmed by some very us-y people-things.

— Louis C.K. (@louisck) October 8, 2014

He just has, like, a really strong gut feeling that some very us-like people may have existed there at some point:

I’m not saying I can prove it. I’m saying it feels like it.

— Louis C.K. (@louisck) October 8, 2014

His stream of consciousness continued, veering into Battlefield Earth-like conspiracy theory territory about the origins of the human race:

It feels like they left mars on a moon that they pushed out of orbit and rode over here to try to orbit what was earth

— Louis C.K. (@louisck) October 8, 2014

What was left turned into here and our moon and got seeded by marsian corpse DNA. And later we’ll use our moon to go back.

— Louis C.K. (@louisck) October 8, 2014

This whole thing goes deeper than we even realise:

And it feels like we are gonna keep bopping around on moons til we realize the whole solar system is actually a spaceship.

— Louis C.K. (@louisck) October 8, 2014

Shit then became mad philosophical:

Also I feel like I know the origin of the basic despair that we all feel in the pit of our being, that one thing we all share.

— Louis C.K. (@louisck) October 8, 2014

We used to be one single thing that was nowhere. The Big Bang happened, sending us, which used to be a “me” hurtling outward.

— Louis C.K. (@louisck) October 8, 2014

And that basic sad despair inside is us going “aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!” Through space. We’re like on the 20’th “a”

— Louis C.K. (@louisck) October 8, 2014

If you go “aaaaa!” For a jiblion years you stop even hearing yourself say it. Anyway that’s just how it feels sometimes.

— Louis C.K. (@louisck) October 8, 2014

Don’t worry, though, CK’s mental state was NOT impaired:

I’m not high.

— Louis C.K. (@louisck) October 8, 2014

Glad he cleared that up. Anyways, if you need us, we’ll be over here going ‘aaaaa!’ for a jabilion years or the rest of the day, whichever comes first.