Lorde, patron saint of melodrama, queen of New Zealand and overall icon has resurrected her long-abandoned onion ring review Instagram page, and we truly could not be happier.
It’s a Christmas fucking miracle, my friends. The secret Lorde onion ring account, @onionringsworldwide, which stopped posting way back in 2017 after investigative fans found out who was posting the content, has returned.
Yep, risen from the ashes of shame and controversy of Lorde’s cover being blown comes four (4!!!) new onion ring reviews on the page, with one of them bearing a message about why she has returned to her legendary page of old to bring it back with full force.
“I’ve got to be honest with you, this reviewer stopped ordering onion rings after her identity was leaked to the press in the great debacle of 2017,” she wrote.
“I’d get a smile and a wink from waitstaff – it got embarrassing, you know? But it occurred to me that some things are too good to let the internet spoil.”
And God, reading through the reviews is like being shot right back to the past. Three entire years have gone by since Lorde was first uncovered as the onion ring reviewer, even though it only feels like yesterday.
Now we can go back to reading iconic sentences like “reconstituted onion pulp situation,” “Proustian nostalgia” and “great crunch.” Suddenly I am craving an onion ring. Maybe chuck on some Pure Heroine in the background? Sounds like a sweet time.
Just in case you missed the hilarious moment that Lorde revealed that the onion ring account was hers, you can check out the interview with Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show.
“I feel like it reads like the kind of thing that a pop star would do to look relatable,” joked Lorde.
She also revealed some tips to make the most amazing tasting onion rings possible.
“From my semi-professional adventures, I think that a batter works better than a crumb.
“The other thing you can do to make an onion ring magical is lightly pickling the onion before you batter it up.”
Godspeed, Lorde. May you be blessed with only the greatest of onion rings in the new year.
