Lizzo, a ray of sunshine, has shared a tale as old as time: drunkenly sliding into the DMs of a very hot guy on Instagram. The hot guy? Captain America himself, Chris Evans. Who among us? Etc, etc.

Imagine receiving a drunk DM from Lizzo. Imagine sending a drunk DM to Chris Evans. Imagine Chris Evans responding to your drunk DM. Beautiful stuff. Anyway, Lizzo posted a screenshot of the DM on her TikTok and it is surprisingly quite PG (I think) for a boozy direct message.

“Don’t drink and DM, kids…. for legal porpoises this is a joke,” she captioned the TikTok from over the weekend.

@lizzo

Don’t drink and DM, kids…. for legal porpoises this is a joke

♬ original sound – HI I’M TATI ????

The DM, according to the screenshot, included just three emojis: a puff of smoke, a handball player throwing a ball, and a basketball.

“The reason I’m upset about this one is because I know I’m not gonna be able to marry him, and honestly, it hurts me to the core,” Lizzo lip-synced to the audio from TikTok fave Tatayanna Mitchell.

“Because damn papa, he a rare breed, no comparing. Like, Chris…”

Damn papa, indeed.

If you thought that’s where the story ends, think again, because Chris actually replied. The blokes I drunk DM’d back in the day never replied to me, those bitches.

“No shame in a drunk DM,” Chris wrote with a kissy face (!) emoji. “God knows I’ve done worse on this app lol.”

Pray tell, Christopher.

Lizzo and Chris follow each other on Instagram now, by the way. I love it when stories have happy endings.

@lizzo

#duet with @lizzo BITCH

♬ original sound – HI I’M TATI ????

Lizzo’s reaction is everything, so it’s safe to say Chris Evans is her fave Hollywood Chris, hey?

Back in 2019, the Marvel star retweeted Lizzo’s video of a kid dancing along to Juice.

“Wow marry me,” Lizzo tweeted in response.

Marry me, Chris.

To conclude: here is a not at all awkward video of Chris Evans (and a bunch of other actors) reading out the lyrics to Truth Hurts for W Magazine.

Very much here for Awkwafina, who just straight-up sang the song instead of doing a dramatic reading.

Image: TikTok / Lizzo