I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion but I need to speak my truth: I kind of hate Alfredo Linguini Gusteau in Ratatouille. After analysing his behaviour, I have come to the conclusion that he may be the film’s real villain. Shocking, I know, but hear me out.
First things first, Linguini was a nepotism baby. Yes, he inherited Gusteau’s after his father Auguste Gusteau passed away, so he was the rightful owner of the restaurant. But you can’t tell me Linguini didn’t reap the rewards of having a famous father. The way everyone suddenly started sucking him off (metaphorically) once they learned he was Gusteau’s son did not go unnoticed.
Linguini’s villain arc began when Skinner hired him as a “garbage boy” and he knocked over the big copper pot of soup. Unlike the iconic scene from The Office when Kevin Malone spills all of his famous chilli on the floor, there was still at least half a pot of soup left. Yet Linguini decides to fuck shit up and “fix” the soup.
Sure, one could argue he was simply trying to save his own ass because he was scared he would lose his job. But the way he tried to revive that liquid bastard was nothing short of diabolical. Like, he whacked what looked like an entire goddamn raw leek in there and watered it down. It’s disgoostangh.
And even though he tasted it and it was so rank he spat it out the window, he was too much of a coward to tell someone about his mistake. If it weren’t for Remy saving the day, that vomitrocious soup would’ve gone out.
Speaking of Remy, we can’t ignore the fact that Linguini used him for his own personal gain. That lanky noodle of a man was only concerned about his position at Gusteau’s and wanted Remy’s help so he could keep up appearances.
The deal that Remy would help Linguini cook in exchange for accomodation and food wasn’t fair — obviously, Linguini drew the longer straw because he was getting lauded with praise and rose to stardom in Paris, when all he had to do was be a puppet, let a rat sleep on a windowsill in his apartment and give him morsels of food. Anyone with a heart would’ve tucked a rat into bed for free, if you ask me.
After the whole “Linguini is Gusteau’s son and owns the restaurant” revelation, the power absolutely went to the faux chef’s head. When he was being interviewed by reporters at Gusteau’s and attributed his cooking abilities to being Gusteau’s son, thus it was “in his blood”, I cut sick. And then when he said he found out he owned the restaurant because “some part of me just knew” and his inspiration was named “Colette”, I wanted to scream. It was Remy who was doing all the cooking!
He was also the one who snooped through Skinner’s papers and realised Linguini was Gusteau’s son. And who could forget the brave and dangerous goose chase Remy went on in Paris to return the will to Linguini, after Skinner chased him around the city for it?
Yes, you could argue that Linguini couldn’t confess to Remy being the real star of the show sooner because he’s a rat. But this is a Pixar film, people, literally anything is possible. Are you also going to try and tell me The Incredibles and Cars were documentaries?
Ahead of Anton Ego’s arrival at Gusteau’s, Linguini did own up to the fact Remy was the real chef, but it was only because he was crapping his dacks at the prospect of the rat dying, thus not being able to cook that night.
Look, don’t get me wrong: the bloke had some decent qualities. He exhibited kindness by choosing not to kill Remy and giving him a bed, but I would also argue that deciding not to literally drown a rat in the Seine when you could simply set it free is the bare minimum when it comes to compassion.
He also sincerely thanked Colette for teaching him how to cook but, again, he had a crush on her and would’ve done anything for a smooch.
Linguini came around by the end of the movie when he hopped out of the bloody kitchen and let Remy, Colette and the rat clan do the cooking, and obviously opening La Ratatouille was adorable.
But we cannot ignore this man’s villainous qualities any longer. He must be held in the same regard as Skinner (who, at his core, didn’t want rats in the kitchen) and the nasty old provincial hag who tried shooting Remy after he escaped with her cookbook.
