It’s Bachie time again, guys! We’re here, hanging out online, figuring out what we think about Honey Badger and the girl he’s almost definitely not still dating.
Badge is there on the screen saying it’s been a “crazy ride“, and he’s “met some proper good sorts“. He speaks like my dad!
All seven of the gang are going on a ’50s-themed date to a bowling alley.
First an important question:
— Alex ✨ (@alex_b007) September 26, 2018
And then there’s some fair criticism of Nick’s horrible look that he calls Chaci, featuring a dumb arse man bun.
— Erna Glassford (@SimplyCheecky) September 26, 2018
— DanOz (@DanGayOz) September 26, 2018
I was too busy zoned out from the traumatic stress of the Honey Badgers haircut and the only thing they brought me back from that blackout was as the alpaca…😂😂😫❤️ Not even joking… #thebachelorAU
— Jessica (@jessimariemule) September 26, 2018
The hairdo is no good, no matter what Sophie says. I mean even Osher is upset.
It’s okay though, Brittany and her sense of humour are happy to tell it like it is: she reckons he looks like Chewy the (handsome) alpaca.
The central conceit of this game is that if you get a strike you get to hang out in a fake Cadillac talking about your future with Nick, with Nick. *bowls a gutter ball on purpose*
Brooke nails it immediately because she’s the sporty one, but it means she’s had the most one-on-one time with everyone’s beau, so they’re all bandying together to stop that shit rn.
Sophie gets a strike too! And before Brooke gets to talk about her feelings. Too bad, so sad.
All the girls are informed they’ll be writing letters to their future selves about where they imagine they’ll be in ten years.
Dasha is still upset about how bowling reminds her of her son who she has not been able to be with for however many weeks, cries.
Anyway, everyone pretty much cries reading these letters, it’s a lot of mush about love and happiness, and for Dasha, her SMALL CHILD, until Britt takes the piss out of the whole exercise.
I love it when a guy sees me crying about not wanting to do something public and embarrassing and pressures me to keep doing it 😍 #TheBachelorAU
— Batch Bitch Podcast 💍 (@batchbitchpod) September 26, 2018
At the very least it spurred our little Bachie community online to think real hard about where we see ourselves in ten years:
Letter to future self: why did I ever think Nick ‘honey badger’ Cummins would be a good bachelor? #TheBachelorAU
— Hero (@hierohero1) September 26, 2018
— Jenna Guillaume (@JennaGuillaume) September 26, 2018
— Tahlia Pritchard (@Tahls) September 26, 2018
My letter would read:
You have finally cracked the Sydney real estate market and have purchased a penthouse apartment. You have sixteen dogs, and a boy toy named Paolo who is a well-travelled millionaire. #TheBachelorAU
— Aliza (@AlizanotEliza) September 26, 2018
Letter to my future self would involve something like “no really, they willingly let him get away with a shoulder charge, what the actual hell was that about?! ” #TheBachelorAU
— deano (@deank88) September 26, 2018
— Heather (@impossible_cut) September 26, 2018
Can’t wait to hear Nick’s letter ‘yeah gday future nick. By jingo by jolly you’re ten years older!’ #TheBachelorAU
— Libby (@libbycdominguez) September 26, 2018
Anyway, because she did not just gush about falling in love and instead demanded good sex for life, Brittany scored the one-on-one time and it was at a chocolate shop.
The internet had war flashbacks.
— Kos Waldo (@kos_waldo) September 26, 2018
They have a snog, she talks about their genuine happiness, he loves that she’s funny but can speak meaningfully when she has to, aww, lovely.
Bach and Sophie – a “great bird” with a “good smile” who “loves having a go at everything” – go ice-skating at my childhood shopping mall. They end up playing ice hockey where either way the prize is a snog and a polar bear so it feels weird to watch them get this competitive this quickly.
Because we’re here we can’t help thinking about the stupid butterfly whiteboard that led us to this extremely boring place.
People have noted a fun common feature of tonight’s proceedings:
Is this the dates you might go on when you’re 15 episode ? #TheBachelorAU
— elle (@Elle_Kate_) September 26, 2018
So far tonight we’ve had:
– Ten Pin Bowling
– Ice Skating
Next, the Honey Badger will take one of the girls to Timezone and a tour of Macca’s Freezer and we would have collected the set of birthday parties I had in primary school.#TheBachelorAU
— Ladbrokes.com.au (@ladbrokescomau) September 26, 2018
Yet again somehow she knew she’d need tiny swimwear, is back at the Badgelor Pad having some champers in a spa, when the aqua sex happens. Not before he compliments her for the exact same attributes he complimented Britt about earlier: she’s a larrikin, able to say how she feels when necessary!
Anyway time for a cocktail party: Cass takes Bach away to play ukulele and literally sing that he wants to be inside of her, which is a bit much.
— Lynette Camm (@LynetteCamm) September 26, 2018
Dasha also spends time alone with Nick, showing him pictures of her son because the kid was already on the top of her mind, let’s just be honest about it okay?
— Nisha7 (@Nisha7) September 26, 2018
We finish the night with a tiny baby rose ceremony and anticlimactic goodbye to Emily who has had pretty much no screen time this episode, and to Dasha, who was dumped because she has a kid and is obviously going to prioritise him over Nick. SURPRISE.
Emily and Dasha are so classy and lovely I will happily date either of them #thebachelorau
— eloise mckenzie (@_jeloise) September 26, 2018
She leaves in the most lovely mature way possible, and everyone is chuffed with the compliment. Show’s over, hometown visits to go.
You can apply to vie for a man’s heart YOURSELF on the next season of The Bachelor HERE.
My dream for the world is that one day instead of just allowing the eliminations to continue, the girls will rise up and eliminate the bachelor. #TheBachelorAU
— Milhouse Thrilhouse (@Minquist01) September 20, 2018