Actor and absolute machine Kumail Nanjiani has been given 10 years of free PornHub thanks to his viral body transformation and workout photo.
In the lead up to his upcoming role in The Eternals, Kumail posted a photo of his impressive physique late last year, which promptly went viral because… jacked.
The primarily comedic actor blew everyone’s fucking mind when he revealed his incredible fitness transformation, prompting the photo to be used on the Pornhub website.
But obviously, they weren’t just going to use his photo and give him nothing in return. Like any good sexual encounter, you give some, you get some.
And get some he did, in the form of a ten-year premium subscription to the site, which is a whole lot of porn.
“They gave me a 10-year free subscription to Pornhub Premium,” he told Conan O’Brien. “I will say, because people are like, ‘Why do you need to pay for porn?’ — and I don’t, I do not work for Pornhub, they have not paid me to say this — you have access to a whole new world.”
“Free porn is good but when you go to Premium… I could develop fetishes, crazy ones over the next 10 years and I know I’ll be taken care of.”
After some extensive research that will likely have whoever is monitoring my work computer thinking I’m getting dangerously horny in the office, I learned that for the measly price of $9.99 per month, you can be opened up to a whole new world of porn.
You get an improved video library, with even more content than the seemingly-endless list of free videos. You can also watch in glorious 4K Ultra HD, if you’re into seeing that ‘d’ in HD.
But if a 4K schlong isn’t immersive enough, you can also use their VR function, which I imagine is the closest thing you can get to sex without actually having to interact with another human being.
So if you’re wondering what Kumail Nanjiani is doing in his spare time now that The Eternals filming has wrapped up, he’s probably watching some 4K hanky panky.
I didn’t need to know that Kumail Nanjiani had ten years worth of free porn, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.