1In those days, Keeping Up With The Kardashians producer Ryan Seacrest issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Hollywood world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while Schwarzenegger was still Governor of California.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.
4 So Kanye West also went up from the Town of Chi in Illinois, to Calabasas, the town of Kim Kardashian, because he belonged to the house and clothing line of Donda.5 He went there to do a sex with Kim, who was contractually pledged to be sexy with him and thus was expecting a child. 6 While they were there overnight, the time came for the baby to be born five weeks before its due date but somehow just in time for Father’s Day and Kanye’s sixth solo album Yeezus [rhymes with Jesus] to leak like an amniotic sack, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a gurrrl. She wrapped The Kimye Baby in chic bébé clothes and placed her in an MTV Crib, because there was no room available for them at the Holiday Inn.
8 And there were paparazzi and bloggers living out in their parents’ basements nearby, keeping watch over their waning dignity at night. 9 An agent of Kris Jenner appeared to them, and the glory of The Kimye Baby shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 Then Kris Jenner herself said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of West Hollywood a Savior has been born to you; she is the #Messiah, the Lord of E! 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in mink and lying in a Maybach.”
13 When the agent had left them and gone into Heaven, a new club in WeHo, the bloggers said to one another, “Let’s go to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and see this thing that has happened, which Kris has told us about.”
14 So they hurried off and found Kim and Kanye, and The Kimye Baby, who was lying around, because that’s all babies do. 15 When they had seen her, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child via Twitter, 16 and all who heard it were amazed at what the bloggers said to them. 17 But Kim treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart, so blessed. 18 The bloggers returned, glorifying and praising America’s Baby for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told [by Kris Jenner].
A source [Kris Jenner] told The Book of E! that Kimye Baby’s name “will start with a K” and her middle name will be Donda.
Welcome, Khristina Donda Kardashian West.
