Kanye West Went To Jail For 49 Minutes

Yeezus is having a real hard time staying out of the news lately. Last week everyone had a collective meltdown over Kanye and Kim’s Vogue cover and subsequent story. We all had a good laugh as the internet trolled it into oblivion. Frankly, you’d think any normal man would have had enough of the headlines for one seven day period. But Kanye West is not a normal man by any stretch of the imagination. Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes of a previous Phoenix, a new Kanye headline emerges from the settling dust of an old one. Kanye and his crafty lawyer, whose name I do not know but I’m going to pretend that it’s Ignatiushave quietly snuck into a Hollywood police station to have Westy booked in relation to an assault on a paparazzo in July of last year.

The incident occurred at Los Angeles International Airport and saw Kanye attempt to wrestle the camera out of the hands of Daniel Ramos, who was merely an innocent bystander attempting to snap off a few hundred close-up images of West that he would then on-sell for a hugely inflated profit. Where’s the harm in that, right? The problem for Kanye, though, is that “repeated nuisance via camera” isn’t necessarily crime, but “misdemeanour battery” kind of is. So he copped a 24-month good behaviour bond, 240 hours of community service, and 24 anger management sessions from a Judge who I assume is a big fan of Jack Bauer.
So Kanye and Ignatius snuck into a cop shop to have ole’ Yeeztilicus, ironically, photographed. But also fingerprinted and ran up on the charge and formally booked and all that associated police business that happens when your actions don’t exactly conform with what those stuffed shirts like to call “the law.” And he was back outside within 49 minutes, free to resume his duties as the supreme overlord of the entertainment realm, but presumably now life-hardened by his lengthy incarceration.
I, for one, eagerly await his inevitable “Live from the Hollywood LAPD Remand Centre” prison album; performed for all his newfound friends and allies still serving hours on the inside.
Photo: Pierre Suu via Getty Images.