Hey, here’s a dangerous idea for you, Sydney Opera House – John Malkovich is very unimpressed with the state of your facilities, and as we speak, he’s coming to ram his refined, elegant foot right up your stuffy arse.
SBS News report that in a recent interview, the bald thespian opened up about what a terrible time he had while performing The Giacomo Variations at the Opera House as part of the 2011 Sydney Festival.
“The acoustics are hideous,” he said, presumably alternating between a menacing whisper and a scream. “I mean, I don’t know, I have only played in about 200 opera houses, and it certainly has acoustics that would do an aeroplane hangar a disservice.”
Malkovich then proceeded to whip out his thesaurus and slap the Opera House around the head with it. “For a catholicity of reasons, it’s not the wisest place to put on anything … with the possible exception of maybe a circus.”
His performance at the time was poorly-received, and actually received boos from the audience, but Malkovich lays the blame for this squarely on the venue, whose size he says is unreasonably large.
“You couldn’t even throw a vegetable – which I am sure people would have loved to do – and have any hope of it ever reaching the stage,” he said. “If I can’t be hit by a tomato, that tells me the stage is too big.”
Applying a little soothing balm to the burned area, Malkovich added that, while the Opera House is a “beautiful, iconic building” full of “lovely people”, it’s hard for him to imagine anything being good inside it.
The Sydney Opera House, a large concrete structure completed in 1973, has not yet responded, and neither have the people who run its Twitter account. Watch this space for more.
Photo: Frazer Harrison via Getty Images
