Actor, university lecturer, possible Lindsay Lohan sex partner and perpetual smirker James Franco recently published a collection of poetry, and it’s shaping up to be one of the most wonderful and/or terrible pop cultural artifacts of our depraved and decadent era.
In a scathing review published yesterday, the UK Telegraph’s poetry critic tore into the book in hilariously catty fashion, labeling it an “artistic hand grenade”, and saying, perhaps not unreasonably, that it was only published because of Franco’s existing notoriety.
One of the greatest gems contained within the book is a poem about Franco’s one-time acting contemporary Heath Ledger, called, for simplicity’s sake, ‘Ledger’: 

“There had been a time 

When we were up for the same roles, 

10 Things I Hate about You 

(Based on The Taming of the Shrew), 

And The Patriot – 

Funny, you were Australian and so was Mel – 

You were the knight in A Knight’s Tale…”  

There is also a poem written in the voice of Lindsay Lohan, which includes the lines “Fame raped me. / And I raped it, if you know what I’m saying”.

Lilo is something of a muse for James Franco. Earlier this year, he published a short story called ‘Bungalow 89’, about the time she supposedly called him a “bookworm punk blogger faggot” and then didn’t have sex with him at the Chateau Marmont. 

Several of the poems in Franco’s collection are named after songs by The Smiths, including ‘Girlfriend In A Coma’ and ‘There Is A Light That Never Goes Out’, and another that takes the form of an imaginary conversation with River Phoenix.

BRB guys, I’m off to find a copy of Directing Herbert White and then read it forever.

Photo: Jason Kempin via Getty Images