There’s nothing that brings you closer together as a couple than a late-night trip to the emergency room, and there’s nothing that prevents you from having sex for four-to-six weeks like a broken weiner.

Yes, it’s that once time a year when we share the public tale of a broken member, which always seems to bring one million people out of the woodwork to boldly declare that they, too, have broken a chongus.

This time it comes from Bachelor In Paradise lovebirds Megan Marx and Jake Ellis, who told NW Magazine all about the time they snapped his party sausage mid-root.

“I heard a scream, then snap!” said Megan.

“It was the most excruciating thing I’ve been through in my life,” said Jake. “Immediately I knew I’d done some damage to myself, and told Megan I needed to go to hospital straight away. It was very swollen!”

“heh heh…. swollen”
*crickets*

The drunken injury happened during that secret in-between time after Bachelor In Paradise finishes filming, but before the episode had aired allowing the couple to go quiet. It meant that even while they were in ER for Jake’s broken boink stick, they were worried about being recognised. Doctor-patient confidentially has to count for something, I suppose.

In the end, Jake required surgery to fix… uh, whatever happen. He and Megan didn’t go into specifics, but penile fractures can involve treatments of anything from an ice pack to surgery to stop the bleeding / repair the urethra.

Jake has scars. “Jake now has what I like to call a wizard dick,” said Megan. “He has an amazing Harry Potter scar!”

At some point in the future, I’m going to need clarification on just how much, exactly, Jake’s dick scar resembles the lightning bolt one from Harry Potter. Not today, though. But someday soon.

Ahhhh, Mister Ellis. Our new… celebrity.

Image: Instagram / Jake Ellis