Those of you absolutely reeling from the 12 pound brick to the heart that was Chris Pratt and Anna Faris announcing their split after 8 years of marriage are absolutely not alone.
No one is coping with this horrendous news. No one. Not a single person. We’re all feeling it.
Pratt and Faris announced on social media that their relationship would be coming to an amicable end. The duo met back in 2007 and were married by mid-2009.
And it’s on social media that those unable to deal with the bombshell – read: everyone with a heartbeat and an account login – have been wailing into the horrible, loveless night.
Anna Faris and Chris Pratt are separating. What.the.hell. No one stays together anymore. pic.twitter.com/wepLDZOF2l
— Allison🦋 (@AllisonSMalone) August 7, 2017
All I can say about Chris Pratt & Anna Faris separating… pic.twitter.com/c52OnzB8th
— Angelique Jackson (@angelique814) August 7, 2017
I’m not saying love is cancelled but if Chris Pratt and Anna Faris can’t make it work? Then…… pic.twitter.com/je1E8AMiLp
— Luis Rojas (@MexicanGummy27) August 7, 2017
“Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by the seperation of Chris Pratt and Anna Faris”
— woah (@DeLaBreezus) August 7, 2017
When you find out Chris Pratt and Anna Faris are getting a divorce pic.twitter.com/5zdBMhsAoY
— Molly Leahy (@_mollyleahy) August 7, 2017
Me: Life is good
Life: Chris Pratt and Anna Faris are separating
— Haitian Mr. Moesby🇭🇹 (@haitiantonys_95) August 7, 2017
I’m honestly really upset about Chris Pratt and Anna Faris separating more than I should be for a couple I don’t know. pic.twitter.com/XYSIfXFQ6S
— Lis Schumacher (@lis_schu) August 7, 2017
Chris Pratt and Anna Faris have announced their separation. I DON’T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS ANYMORE. pic.twitter.com/JZdloLM0de
— Melissa (@melissa__ong) August 7, 2017
Chris Pratt and Anna Faris? 2017 is so much more disrespectful than 2016. Cancel life, there’s no future. pic.twitter.com/uzfYXVsXAC
— Lee Lee 🕊 (@leeyore) August 7, 2017
It’s a tough, tough time for everyone. The saddest day.
Pratt and Faris’ sudden break-up has everyone wary of the fleetingness and fragility of even the most seemingly solid celebrity relationships, and the fallout of that has sent everyone scrambling into protection mode. The other good couples! They must be maintained at ALL COSTS.
so chris pratt and anna faris split up and help me god if john krasinski and emily blunt break up, i’m killing myself
— shut up emma (@mynamemma) August 7, 2017
Chris Pratt and Anna Faris are splitting up. 💔 Please don’t get any ideas Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell! pic.twitter.com/p5Q361lwjT
— Sarah Doretti (@Nerdie_Birdie15) August 7, 2017
With the recent separation of Chris Pratt and Anna Farris, we must protect Dax Shepard & Kristen Bell. So I have created this GoFundMe page. pic.twitter.com/PtDftyUSB0
— annmarie (@thisisannmarie) August 7, 2017
WHO IS NEXT??? chrissy teigen and john legend??? blake lively and whichever ryan she’s with???
— jemima ✨ (@jemimaskelley) August 7, 2017
Solution: All celebrity couples deemed to be “good” by the internet to be put into temporary lockdown until the sign sworn statements assuring the public they’re in no danger of splitting up.
Sure, the extra stress that’d place on the relationship might be detrimental to its overall health, but this is for the greater good, god damn it.
BRB playing this on a loop for the next forever and sobbing uncontrollably.