The Irish have given us so much — Paul Mescal, Baileys, Leprechauns, The Banshees of Inisherin, Enya — the list goes on.
However, above all, there’s one thing I’ll always thank them for — the Irish Goodbye.
What is the Irish Goodbye you say? Well, my friend, picture this.
You’re at a party, and the clock is about to strike 1:38 am. The vibes died at least 45 minutes ago. It’s cold, your drink has gone positively flat, and you’re planted firmly on a couch between two people who know each other better than you do. There are tonnes of people around, and you feel like you’re kind of floating in the background.
It’s time to go home, but you know if you get up and say goodbye, you’ll end up in another conversation, then another one, and then another one, taking you further away from your sweet bed.
The solution? Performing an Irish Goodbye — the chance to sneak out without making a fuss or saying a word. According to Rice University, the term originates from drunk folks leaving Irish bars without talking to anyone to avoid revealing how drunk they are. Another writer at Irish Central suggested it has to do with the long-winded ritual of leaving an Irish social gathering and how it’s easier just to sneak out.
So how the hell do you actually nail one?? Here are a few tried and tested tips.
Send The Host A DM
We are many things, but we’re not about being rude in this house. Getting invited to a party is a nice gesture at the end of the day. If the host is busy making nice with guests and chit-chatting away while you’re fanging to leave, you’re probably looking at a 30 min-one hour wait time to get their attention.
If you do happen to sneak out, send them a DM the second you leave the house to tell them you had an amazing time, that you hope they have a fantastic night, and that you snuck out to feed your cat etc. It’s common courtesy, folks!!
Allude To Yr Departure Early On
We all get dragged along to events we don’t want to attend — it’s part of adult life. So if you plan on doing an Irish Goodbye at a party you don’t really want to be at, start alluding to your departure early in the evening.
It’s kind of like when you’re planning on chucking a sickie — peppering in a few hints that you’re ‘feeling fluey’ the afternoon before can start to plant the seed that you’re sick and probably won’t be around the next day. (Not that I know this from experience or anything).
Tell people that you’ve got another party to go to at X time etc., and you’ll be leaving early, so when you pop out without saying goodbye, it’s not a shock, and they’ll just assume you had to go to your other thing. Easy, right?
Have Your Ride Ready To Go
If you do smoke bomb, the worst possible thing you can do is hang around outside someone’s house/the venue you’re at for 20 minutes while you’re ordering and waiting for your ride. This makes your urgency to leave look fake, and you also risk getting stuck in another convo. In that case, we’d highly suggest reserving your Uber in advance, so you have a ready-made and watertight excuse.
If you’re highly organised, you can literally schedule an Uber Reserve up to 30 days in advance (or even 30 mins prior), so you know there’ll be a sweet, warm ride ready to take you home the second you step out the door.
Overall, the key is not to be a jerk about it all. If you’re at an intimate party of 15 people, obviously don’t get up and choof off, but if the vibes are stale as hell at a house party or pub, get the hell out of there!! It’s 2023; we no longer need to get stuck in conversations with aspiring DJs about their latest mix while you’re trying to get home. It’s self-care.