Sophie Monk‘s a decent bird, but was she the right choice for Australia’s new Bachelorette? Probably not, no. But she’s sterile and we like the taste. (Dodgeball ref, FYI).

The Bardot alum will be Australia‘s first-ever celebrity Bachelorette (and as far as I know, in the world as well). There has to be a reason why the franchise hasn’t ventured down the celebrity path in the past and, imagining what the show will entail with Sophie as the new rose-giver, it’s all starting to make sense. It’s going to change everything we know to be true about the show.

Photo: Tim Roney / Getty.

The Bachelorette, or Bachelor for that matter, is meant to be your ordinary Joe Blow; someone who makes us think that if they can find love well heck, so can we. Forgive me if I wind up being wrong, but Sophie isn’t going to make people feel that. Why? Because she lives the high life, is smoking hot, hella successful and has the money and means to defy gravity as she pleases.

I’m not in my late thirties but if I was, I don’t think my life compared to that of Sophie’s would particularly inspire confidence. Georgia Love might’ve been D-grade celeb status and also heavily media trained, but her racoon eyeliner reminiscent of being a year-8 shit making bad choices at least made us feel like she was one of us.

Not someone who was legit engaged to a Good Charlotte brother (the Cameron Diaz one, I think), appeared in a Blink 182 music video and perched herself on David Hasslehoff‘s desk for one of the early 2000s major films. This is the same chick who reckons she was approached to be in the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, has a full-time gig on Australia’s top radio station and featured in Entourage alongside Adrian Grenier

I mean, sure. We’ve all done that haven’t we? Her CV gets to the point where you’ve gotta wonder if she’s taking the piss.

You can fight it all you want but at the end of the day, she’s not just your average chick looking for love, even though Julia Roberts‘ character in Notting Hill would have you believe otherwise. But with that being said, if they were going to choose a celeb then they’ve chosen the right one.

Sophie’s IDGAF attitude and unfiltered existence does make her feel kinda relatable and my god, it’s going to make for A+, car crash television. There was a reason people liked villain Keira Maguire (hold on, why wasn’t she chosen?) and that’s because the whole goodie-two-shoes Taylor Swift demeanours get tired.

People got sick of Richie Strahan by episode three and we reckon the same thing probably would’ve happened for Nikki Gogan should she have been given the throne. [Editors note: she should have been picked, I’m just trying to comfort myself over this absolute robbery.]

Having Sophie, who says it how it is, is a complete game changer. If she’s not vibing one of the 30 identical white men she’s gifted on a silver platter, is she going to be able to hide that for the sake of mind-fucking outcomes? I don’t know that she’d be able to, and tbh I’m into that. I’m done with the sick, cruel jokes that producers have played on us the last two seasons by having Nikki and Matty J walk away empty-handed. 

There’s something else we need to address: Sophie’s age. She’s 37. Makes sense considering she won reality show Popstars’ in ’99, when y’all were bloody infantile. Then she was on Celebrity Apprentice in 2015, which she also won. And now this. To think some of you kicked up a stink when Casey Donovan returned to reality TV to win I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! this year, after winning Australian Idol in 2004.

Back to her age: this is interesting to me because this year’s Bachelorette application forms specify that the men should be aged between 25-35. Are they gonna change that shit? (Let’s not forget that men are two years behind females in maturity levels.)

All we can do is wait to see whether or not we’ll be granted minuscule diversity this year in the shape of a silver fox. Plus, Sophie’s been quite vocal in the past about wanting offspring and soon, so we reckon with our first celebrity Bachelorette could come our first bachie baby, too. 

Don’t you treat her bad.

Photo: Scott Barbour / Getty.