Well shit: Mercury Retrograde is back, babey. With the first Retrograde of the year officially kicking off, this week is bound to be a weird one. Here’s what your sign is in for.

ARIES

The straight-forward ram sign is all about seeing things clearly and concisely, but with Mercury going Retrograde, prepare for mixed messages galore. Fucking GREAT. Mercury is the planet that rules over communication, hence why there’ll be confusion in the way you send and receive information. Be sure to double-check literally everything you write before hitting send to avoid a nasty mishap.

TAURUS

You’re trying your best to kill it at work and be at peace with your co-workers but the dreaded Mercury Retrograde has come to screw with you. During this shithouse astrological period, pretty much everything goes to hell, from communication, to technology, even your daily commute. Expect sudden changes at work and given what’s happening right now, people probably won’t react to these changes well, so try to be as patient and calm as you can. I know patience is a foreign term for a stubborn Taurus, but it’s extremely necessary at this time.

GEMINI

Feel like your Mercury Retrogrades are different to those of your mates? Well Gemini, that’s ‘cos Mercury is your ruling planet, which means its energy impacts you a lil differently. And with the Sun currently in Aquarius, your fellow air sign, the week ahead isn’t as batshit as the one other signs will have. Fuck yeah. This isn’t necessarily a get out of jail free card – you’ll still experience some of the Mercury Retrograde perils, but overall things shouldn’t be too much of a shambles. Especially compared to your friends (maybe check in on them, yeah?)

CANCER

Oh good: Mercury Retrograde has come to sap you of the summer energy you’ve been clinging onto with your crabby pincers (I’m not saying you’re crabby, I’m referring to the Cancer symbol: le crab). Combat the incoming BS by practicing self-care as much as possible. Have any of your usual self-care routines fallen by the wayside? Resume them IMMEDIATELY. I’m talking pamper session on pamper session. Are all your mates keen for a big one but you just wanna stay in bed? Forget about the FOMO, you’re missing nothing. Protect your energy and stay. The. Fuck. In. Bed.

LEO

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Mercury is the planet of communication, right? So naturally when it goes Retrograde (as it now is), the way we communicate with each other needs to change. So as misunderstandings inevitably occur this week, instead of schmoozing your way out of trouble, find a smarter and more diplomatic way to settle the beef. Relying on your Leo charm won’t work this time, I’m afraid. But using your Leo brain just might!

VIRGO

As meticulous and organised as Virgos are, because of your tendency to overthink, you often second guess your own abilities. You’ll find that this is definitely the case this week as the first Mercury Retrograde of 2021 kicks off. Stop dwelling on your short-comings, mistakes, basically anything negative and instead focus on the fact that you’re a fucking boss and can always get shit done in fine Virgo fashion. It’s way too wasteful for you to be doubting your abilities, especially when you’re one of the most skilled signs of the Zodiac.

LIBRA

Mentally, you’re still in holiday-mode and look, I don’t totally blame you ‘cos Librans are fun and playful by nature, but that kind of attitude isn’t going to help you nail those 2021 goals, now is it? This week, fight through the procrastination zone and try to come up with constructive ways to ace the plans you have in place. I know you’re not supposed to make any huge plans or sign anything during Mercury Retrograde, but just ensure that you’re double-checking literally everything and phoning a friend for advice when need be and you’ll be sweet.

SCORPIO

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Been feeling happy and cosy at home, Scorp? Well that’s about to change as Mercury has now gone Retrograde, causing a shake-up in your home and family zone. Being a water sign, you have one of the strongest senses of intuition of all the signs of the Zodiac, so tap into this when you’re trying to determine if something is wrong. If you feel like things are fucked up, they probably are. And you definitely need to do something about it! Just rehearse whatever important convos you’re about to have in your head first, bc Merc Retro and all that.

SAGITTARIUS

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Every sign’s communication is impacted by Mercury Retrograde, but yours in particular, I’m afraid, Sag. The astrological activity will cloud your brain and your better senses, which will cause a ripple effect and screw with everything from those plans you were heaps keen on to the messages, DMs and emails you send out, plus the way you interpret the ones that you receive. I cannot stress this enough: Impatience will not serve you well. Be smart. Be calculating. Be PATIENT. You’ve got this.

CAPRICORN

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Being a grounded and strong-willed Capricorn who likes to have their shit together, especially when it comes to the finance department, this week will be extra annoying for you as Mercury Retrograde impacts your money sector. You’ll realise that your pockets aren’t as lined as you thought they were. Curses! Avoid a freakout and instead come up with a clever, well-laid plan to put you back in the green.

AQUARIUS

This week, focus on not just self-care but also self-love. Your inner confidence has taken a beating lately and it’s time to make some changes and learn to love yourself again in any way that you can. With love planet Venus igniting your life this week, channel that energy towards yourself and practice both self-care and self-love as much as you can, ’til you remember just how bloody amazing you are.

PISCES

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Ah nuts, the dreaded Mercury Retrograde is back, where anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. But rather than looking at everything with a naysaying attitude and hiding under your covers to avoid the shitstorm, instead face it head on (I know that’s gross imagery, but it makes a point). You’ll actually surprise yourself with how capable you are! Plus, by putting yourself out there, you might just find a certain cool opp that otherwise would’ve been lost to you.