This is a true story.

I found the first few days of primary school jarring. The regimen was disorienting, as was mingling with a random bunch of six-year-old colleagues. Separation from my Lego collection during primo playtime hours was also a very real concern.

The strangest part, by far, was my teacher’s post-lunch routine. In an attempt to calm us down after a solid half hour of throwing sticks on the roof and sandwiches in the bin, she would have us lie down on the carpeted floor for a brief bout of ‘meditation’. During this time, she would play select tracks from a Kenny G compilation CD.

In retrospect, this was clearly less about preparing our young minds for her instruction, and more about giving her just ten bloody minutes to herself. I don’t blame her. We were a gnarly bunch, and I was soon enrolled in a different school because I came home swearing at an advanced level.

Before I left, though, the routine came to an abrupt halt. It turns out my class had experienced a miniature hair lice epidemic from all of that unprotected hair-on-carpet action.

This is my abiding memory of Kenny G: the unwitting catalyst of a lice infestation. The feeling is only amplified by Kim Kardashian‘s newest social media posts, which show the musician standing in her living room and tooting away for Valentine’s Day. To my eye, her husband Kanye West did not enlist him to stand amongst a small field of roses; the floor resembles only the irritated scalps of my youth.

Ah, yes, nothing screams romance like memories of fine-toothed combs scraping eggs off your noggin.

Image: Kim Kardashian West / Twitter