Well this is truly bizarre. Not content with allowing the Cursed Child to be published without checking for basic plot holes, J.K. Rowling will now be releasing three new Harry Potter books come September. And by ‘books’, we mean ‘a collection of short stories some of which have already been published on Pottermore‘, and also by ‘books’ we mean ‘eBooks’.

HOLY MAGIC: 3 New ‘Harry Potter’ eBooks Have Mysteriously Appeared Online

Don’t get us wrong, we’re excited as hell. But eBooks, ffs.

Listings for the three travesties of the 21st Century appeared on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Apple’s iBooks store on Wednesday morning, before any formal announcement was made. (h/t to Hypable for spotting them.)

Presented by Pottermore, they promise to “take you beyond the Harry Potter stories as J.K. Rowling reveals her inspiration, intricate details of characters’ lives and surprises from the wizarding world,” which we can only take to mean as her unpublished encyclopedia-worthy levels of backstory are finally coming to canon.

The books are as follows:

Power, Politics and Pesky Poltergeists

HOLY MAGIC: 3 New ‘Harry Potter’ eBooks Have Mysteriously Appeared Online

‘No Muggle Prime Minister has ever set foot in the Ministry of Magic, for reasons most succinctly summed up by ex-Minister Dugald McPhail (term of office 1858-1865): “their puir wee braines couldnae cope wi’ it.”’ – J.K. Rowling

SYNOPSIS: “These stories of power, politics and pesky poltergeists give you a glimpse into the darker side of the wizarding world, revealing the ruthless roots of Professor Umbridge, the lowdown on the Ministers for Magic and the history of the wizarding prison Azkaban. You will also delve deeper into Horace Slughorn’s early years as Potions master at Hogwarts – and his acquaintance with one Tom Marvolo Riddle.” [Source]

Heroism, Hardship & Dangerous Hobbies

HOLY MAGIC: 3 New ‘Harry Potter’ eBooks Have Mysteriously Appeared Online

‘Minerva was the Roman goddess of warriors and wisdom. William McGonagall is celebrated as the worst poet in British history. There was something irresistible to me about his name, and the idea that such a brilliant woman might be a distant relative of the buffoonish McGonagall.’ – J.K. Rowling

SYNOPSIS: “These stories of heroism, hardship and dangerous hobbies profile two of the Harry Potter stories’ most courageous and iconic characters: Minerva McGonagall and Remus Lupin. J.K. Rowling also gives us a peek behind the closed curtains of Sybill Trelawney’s life, and you’ll encounter the reckless, magical-beast-loving Silvanus Kettleburn along the way.” [Source]

Hogwarts: An Incomplete and Unreliable Guide

HOLY MAGIC: 3 New ‘Harry Potter’ eBooks Have Mysteriously Appeared Online

‘The Ministry of Magic felt strongly, however, that to construct an additional wizarding station in the middle of London would stretch even the Muggles’ notorious determination not to notice magic when it was exploding in front of their faces.’ – J.K. Rowling

SYNOPSIS: “Hogwarts An Incomplete and Unreliable Guide takes you on a journey to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You’ll venture into the Hogwarts grounds, become better acquainted with its more permanent residents, learn more about lessons and discover secrets of the castle . . . all at the turn of a page.” [Source]

HOLY MAGIC: 3 New ‘Harry Potter’ eBooks Have Mysteriously Appeared Online

From the looks of it, each book will be available for $2.99 USD ($3.90) a pop from September 6. We’re just waiting for an official announcement from Rowling or Pottermore to confirm.

Source: Hypable.

Photo: Harry Potter.