Much like the general vibe of last night’s 56th Annual TV Week Logie Awards, the Fashions on display were decidedly beige, enhanced as most things in life are by ample gratis sparkling wine. Stiff competition in the nominated categories was apposite to the taut faces, hair and postures paraded in the equal parts GlAmOrOu$ and wholly bizarre awards ceremony ritual of the Red Carpet.
Trains were big, so were fifty shades of vanilla; thigh and breast were soft served in a measure not dissimilar from the fast chicken establishments where many of the evening’s attendees no doubt found themselves in the dawning light before appearing on breakfast television.
Here’s a bunch of dresses worn by vaguely familiar television personalities in whom you’ve demonstrated mild to considerable interest.
American Idol Paula Abdul looks very Paula Abdul (well choreographed, slightly dated, buzzed) in sleek chain-mail Steven Khalil.
Sonia Kruger puts the ‘pensive’ in ‘expensive’ in sexxxy scarlet Alex Perry.
Like a tequila sunrise, Kuta Goddess Mandy McElhinney treats herself to one too many grenadine cocktails.
Kylie Minogue could not for the life of her stop showing off her armpits – lovely pits though they are. Looking at photos of Kylie from the night is like looking through a maschalagniac’s spank bank; that is, there’s more pit action here than in an ad for Sunraysia Prune Juice. She wears sequinned Roberto Cavalli.
Carrie Bickmore – the Grey’s era Katherine Heigl of network television – is always a Gold Logie bridesmaid in Paolo Sebastian and her reliably affable Golden Retriever steez. That’s a huge compliment.
Tee Hee Hee 2.0 pairs a shit eating grin with sexy, sporty Maticevski.
It’s like, we get it, you like silver. Jessica Marais takes things down a notch in luxe lurex J’Aton Couture.
First impression: Courtney Act is killing it. Second impression: sorry, Natalie Bassingthwaighte looks slick in sculptural mauve Bei Na Wei, a giant alfoil YSL clutch and confusing shoes.
Jesinta Campbell is an expensive vanilla sundae garnished with gold leaf, poured up by Steven Khalil.
Sandra Sully lookin’ anything but in clean, serene J’Aton.
Australia’s #1 Health and Fitness Expert, Michelle #12WBT Bridges, is a #fitspirational #glam #princess in baby’s first Paolo Sebastian *eats loaf of bread*.
Timomatic and Talia Fowler are all white on white in Song For The Mute and Gemeli Power respectively. So many new names to learn.
And now for an intimate, albeit too brief, Real Housewives of Melbourne: Raw (A Little More Personal) intermission.
No RHOM here, just 114% RHONDA. Just so much Rhonda.
Also in thigh-high more is more, Dannnnniiiii.
Kate Peck looks statuesque and fresh to death in a well-cut Arthur Galan allsort.
Per Logies tradition, the last word goes to Susie Elelman and the dress she wore to the 1995 Logies.
That word is ‘byeeee’, you creep.
Photos: Robert Prezioso via Getty
