Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow‘s ~wellness~ label, has just revealed its bonkers 2021 gift guide for the year, and I feel like I’ve already been called poor in 18,000 times.

In case you aren’t familiar with Goop, the company is best known for its infamous “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle. Yeah, most of the stories around this brand are pretty wild.

Goop releases gift guides every year, including for events like Mothers Day, and it has now unleashed its unholy plethora of incredibly expensive, probably niche ~experiences~ that most of us can’t afford but enjoy looking it.

Here are some of the most wack suggestions on this year’s gift guide, to make you feel better about your own Christmas shopping list:

A Tabletop lighter which costs USD$450

A fancy lighter for USD$450 (AUD$604). This is a fucking lighter.

Just… salmon??? Why would this be a gift?? Who are the people that make up this target audience??

A whole ass outdoor tub for AUD$5,098. Cool. Exactly the kind of thing you gift someone.

*Who* is buying a luxe garden hose for AUD$412. Just imagine living the kind of lifestyle that requires one of these.

Imagine paying over $100 for this bow. Like, it’s just a bow. You can buy this for $2 at the local costume shop. You can tie one yourself with a Spotlight ribbon. I can’t.

“Rich mom energy” this jungle gym costs over AUD$50,000. This is not casual rich mom energy. This is sacrifice-in-the-revolution energy.

I’m actually not opposed to the idea of a fun sneaker-making workshop. But considering that most garment workers who are making the sneakers you buy from high-end retail stores probably only make a couple of dollars per shoe (if that), it seems gross to then sell the course to rich people for AUD$6,717.

And lastly, my favourite item on this list, a croissant-shaped tin that costs $261. I have no idea what you would keep in this, since I’m pretty sure people aren’t storing singular croissants in tins in their homes. Plus, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen something similar at Typo which probably costs less than $20.

You can go through the rest of the expen$ive items on the 2021 Goop gift guide here.