There is a strange kind of unbridled glee that fills your soul when you see a small child swear their head off. Their little high-pitched voices screaming, “FUCK” is somehow music to my despicable ears.
And when it’s coming from the mouth of the all-time cutest child in the history of the world ever, Jacob Tremblay, it’s even better. Don’t @ me, mums who continuously submit their squishy babies to online photography competitions. He’s the cutest, end of.
And he’s absolutely swearing like a sailor in his brand new flick, Good Boys (in cinemas 19 September 2019). Best part? Whack in your details below and you might be able to check it out before all your equally depraved pals.
Produced by none other than comedy legend Seth Rogen himself, Good Boys is a story all about friendship and growing up. You know, first kisses, popularity and, *checks notes*, sex dolls, a gimp mask and anal beads. Because of course it is.
And all you gotta do to see it early is tell us about your worst experience of kissing someone for the first time. Dial your minds back to the days of awful washing machine kisses, where braces stuck together and gross strands of spit stayed connected long after your lips parted.
My worst one? I went on a pretty low-key date with a dude who kind of resembled a crocodile, and he chose the exact moment we were hustling through a zebra crossing to go for an extremely wet snog. We’re talking slurpy noises and drool on his chin type wet, and the added element of traffic danger. Not cute, let me tell you.
If yours can top that, bring it on. There are 100 double passes up for grabs for you to check out Good Boys in Melbourne or Sydney, and 50 double passes on offer for Brisbane, Adelaide or Perth. The dates and times are as follows:
SYDNEY – Tuesday, September 17 – Event Cinemas George St at 6:30 pm
MELBOURNE – Monday, September 16 – Village Jam Factory at 6:30 pm
ADELAIDE – Wednesday September 18 – Event Marion at 6:30pm
BRISBANE – Wednesday, September 18- Event Cinemas Myer Centre at 6:30 pm
PERTH – Wednesday, September 18 – Garden City at 6:30 pm
Good Boys is mandatory viewing for any depraved soul who derives humour from a bunch of pre-teen kiddos mistakenly using sex toys as weapons, accidentally stealing drugs and taking sneaky videos of their neighbour using a drone that costs more than my weekly rent.
So why not grab one of your childhood friends and take them with you? Just make sure it’s someone with an equally suss sense of humour, because you can definitely tell that it’s made by the same folks who gave us the mega raunchy Sausage Party.
But somehow it also manages to be super wholesome and heartwarming? Partly because the three boys are cute as heck, but also because it’s really easy to cast your mind back to the friends you had when you were in the sixth grade. Kind of makes you wonder what they’re up to now.
My friends from then? They’re engaged, or married with babies. Does it make me even more of a despicable human that I wanna teach their children all the fun ‘not quite swearing but still suss for a toddler’ words? Yes?
I can deal with that.
Check out the trailer for Good Boys below, in cinemas 19 September 2019.Image: Universal Pictures