Have you ever consulted wikihow.com for important life advice? The laterally-operating site is a total mecca for “how to do [enter anything here].” We decided to refer to the Creative Commons-owned hub for vital direction on the topic of How To Get Over A Break-Up, and the results were astonishingly psychoanalytical. The extensive article was shaped by these categories:
1. Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively 2. Don’t rethink your decision 3. Keep your space 4. Cope with the pain appropriately 5. Deal with the hate phase 6. Talk to your friends 7. Write all your feelings down 8. Make a list of reminders 9. Out with the old in with the new 10. Remove memory triggers 11. Find happiness in other areas of your life 12. Stay active 13. Let go of the negative emotions 14. Remind yourself of the negative things.
And pictures like this:
Quite honestly, it becomes easy to understand how people don’t talk these things out, when Wiki How provides a modern-day counseling service that bypasses the need to actually speak honestly about anything. Godsend.
However, there was a distinct absence of Hi-NRG destructive drinking and finding counterparts for rebound sex in the clurb OMG JK. But there was an absence of fun and distracting techniques that, like dumping lashings of talcum powder on the carpet after your cat pees on it, will mask the problem and aid in distracting you from overwhelming emotional pain you do not wish to address directly. We have complied a short list:
1. Go On a Holiday with yr Gal Pal
Hey, you know why this is a good one? Because now that you’re single, you can nominate yourself for the 2013 Pedestrian.TV Bachelorette of the Year brought to you by the really, ridiculously good looking MINI Ray whereby, upon winning, you will win TWO TICKETS TO PARADISE (paradise being a mystery flight to an international conflict-free destination!). Bachelorette is a quest to discover our nation’s young guns and celebrate their all-encompassing beauty. If single you or a single gurlfriend are doing ladies everywhere proud for whatever reason, head over to this page to get your nomination in. You see, newly eligible woman: being single brings with it many perks unavailable to your attached counterparts.
2. If You’re Not Interested In Leaving The House just yet
…use this website [www.menulog.com] a lot, whilst using this website [www.ebay.com] a lot. Baby steps to facing the world; everyone works at their own pace. This point both acknowledges the basic human right to food as well as the more female-specific right to retail therapeh. Do it in your pyjamas, do it with mascara that’s run down your face; mascara that concretely symbolises the weight of the world on your shoulders. Crying is okay and it is healthy.
3. Hair Done, Nails Done, Everything Did
The power of being pampered should never be underestimated in any situation of stress and hardship, least not now. Take on the advice of the most popular mogul in contemporary rap right now and go get that everything did. U fancy, huh.
4. Make Eyes at Fresh Men, and Progressively Start Flirting More
Works even if you’re not genuinely interested, because heightened and superfluous attention –> exponentially expanding self-esteem. You can even start by flirting digitally; Facebook pokes are good, or double tapping sxc males on Instagram that you might want to tap IRL 😉
Just don’t get so cocky that you become this.
5. Watch all of the WOMAN EMPOWERMENT! Films
Classics include: Pretty Woman, Nine To Five, Disney’s Mulan and The Beyonce Documentary. These flicks, chick, juvenile or otherwise, will provide solace from the storm that is the world that has fallen down and around your feet.
There are more avenues we’ve left unexplored here, because maybe not everyone thinks ingesting large amounts of wine is a good idea everyone will want to tackle this slightly differently. And, because we like to Rickroll you sometimes, let us remind you again: Don’t forget the ultimately empowering and potentially holiday-yielding option of entering the 2013 Pedestrian.TV Bachelorette of the Year brought to you by the really, ridiculously good looking MINI Ray. Just saying.
