It’s time to shed a tear because we’re coming to the end of Farmer Wants A Wife. Tonight we witnessed the final solo dates and hopefully some of the last relationship red flags we’ll see this season.

As you all know by now, you’re probably going to want to refresh yourself here and grab a cheeky beveragino before we begin. Go on, do it. Treat yourself.

Our farmers are finally tasked with sending people home tonight, needing to have their final two picked by the end of the episode.

As expected, Neil gives us some bullshit about how hard this is for him, as if he didn’t just give a pity date to poor Megan.

Meanwhile, Nick envisions his future with his remaining three girls. He tells us life with Liz would be easy, which absolutely isn’t what I’d say but sure, you do you boo. But says Naomi would make him a better person and Emma would make him smile but he’d have to chase her around parties.

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
goooo away.

I mean, GOD FORBID she have some fun and be an independent woman who wants to enjoy a glass of chardy with some friends on occasion. Fuck, I hate hate hate how these men treat women.

But on a more positive note, Alex treats Jess to a romantic spa date for their final outing and it’s absolutely adorable. These two will last, I can see it already. She’s just so in love with him and they just seem to really *click*. I’m sad that Henrietta isn’t going to win but I’m wholeheartedly team Jess at this point.

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
kiss me ketut.

They also had a steamy massage scene and I’d be pretty surprised if they didn’t do more than just kiss. We love this energy for them.

He even gifted her a cute bracelet, which I reckon is the final seal of approval that she’s the gal for him.

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
i ship this so hard i should join the bloody navy.

Aaaaand we’re back in Tassie where Nick’s bullshit LA accent is back with a vengeance and he’s reminding us that although he’s got a stunning vineyard, he’s got a terrible personality.

He takes Liz on the romantic date, it’s picturesque and serene but holy shit, their makeout scene made me OH SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
MAKE. IT. STOP.

Our only real man Harry is treating Stacey to a romantic date including a cheeky helicopter trip. It was super adorable but uhhh, who’s gonna break it to Stace that he absolutely isn’t planning these dates himself. It’s all producers, baby.

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
you’re telling me the producers put ALL this effort in for me??

Oh, and Neil is enjoying his pity date with Megan but I’m not even dignifying that with a response because I think it’s really shitty behaviour.

But after the solo dates come to an end, Harry and Neil decide to introduce their ladies to the family, which was literally episode one for Sam.

Neil introduces them all to his kids, which feels like a really strange move. Like “here kids, come pick your favourite future step mum!”

Thankfully, the kids like all three women, so Neil is left fumbling to make the choice for himself (as if it’s not glaringly obvious that it’s gonna be Justine).

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
hereeeeee’s future step mummy

But the real tea has been saved for Harry because his family visit went the complete opposite way he was expecting.

At this point, he seems all but certain he’s gonna pick Stacey. But as luck would have it, his sisters all reckon Madison is a sweet angel and they’re not too fond of Stacey.

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
look, harry, your opinion doesn’t matter here. we’re team madison and if you don’t choose her we won’t invite you to christmas lunch

Now, this isn’t a Bachie-style home visit where they all collectively dunk on Stacey, they’re just not as fond of her as they are of sweet Mads.

Naturally, this throws a huge spanner in the works for Harry, who was pretty set on his decision but now sees that he’s maybe just shut Madison out and should really give her a fair go.

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
harry is confused rn but i don’t want to bore you with that picture so here, have a cute pic of his dog instead

But back on Neil’s farm, his decision just got made significantly easier because Megan self-yeeted after realising this relationship simply wasn’t worth fighting for anymore.

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
shocked.

Honestly, watching these women realise their own value has been the absolute highlight of the season for me.

But although we all saw it coming from a mile away, Neil (who basically told her it was a pity date) seems shocked that she left. Uhhh, what?!

Poor Harry, struggling to come to terms with the curveball he’s just been thrown, sits down at dinner with his two gals to enjoy a peaceful meal. Unfortunately, Stacey is clearly awkward about, you know, basically being told she’s shit compared to Madison.

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
the face of a man who is 500% done with everyone’s shit

It’s super uncomfortable and Harry calls it out. But, being the gentleman he is, he later pulls Stacey aside and hears her out, acknowledging that it must be a really shit feeling to be compared to another woman.

I simply cannot stress this enough: I love Harry.

Meanwhile, over on Alex’s farm, he’s struggling to decide who to send home (as if Sarah ever stood a chance). Ultimately, and completely unsurprisingly, he sends her home. There’s really nothing else to talk about because everyone watching at home already knew this was bound to happen.

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
i genuinely forgot she was still here

And last, but also kinda least, we’ve got Nick’s decision to send someone home.

Obviously, he pulls the “I don’t think I’m good enough for her card”, which is code for “I don’t want to better myself so I’ll just accept that I’m not a very good guy.”

Aaaaand it’s Emma.

But in a nice silver lining, she has this sweet realisation that she’s actually a bomb ass woman and has gone through this show without letting her insecurities destroy her or pitting herself against the other women.

FARMER RECAP: Welp, Harry’s Sisters Just Threw A Fkn Huge Spanner In The Works
an icon. a queen. we love her.

She gives a nice speech about how she’s proud of who she is and honestly, she should be. It takes real emotional strength to go on this sort of TV show and not automatically get really catty/jealous of the other girls and to be honest, I think she did a really good job of just accepting that all four of Nick’s girls were vastly different people and who he chose was always going to be a reflection of what life he wanted, not their own worth.

I know Farmer Wants A Wife has copped a lot of heat this year for being more focussed on drama than actually finding love, but if I’m being honest here, I think a lot of the girls this year have had emotional glow ups, realised their own value and decided not to settle for someone who isn’t absolutely in love with them.

We’ve seen it from Emma, all of Sam’s girls, Megan, and we’re already starting to see Henrietta realise that Jess is probably going to win but that isn’t a reflection of her own character.

From Madison being open about her vulnerability to Megan deciding to walk away because she realised she wasn’t being made a priority, all of these women have just shown such growth and maturity. You simply love to see it.

And finally, my predictions:

Alex: Jess, forever.

Harry: Stacey, but I don’t see it lasting.

Nick: Liz, but they’ll get divorced.

Neil: Justine, they might last.

Lavender Baj is the Arvo/Nights Writer at Pedestrian. She posts thirst traps and dog pics on Instagram and tweets every bat-shit thought she ever has on Twitter.