Everything We Know About Netflix’s ‘The Witcher’ ‘Cos IDK What Else To Do ‘Til Dec 20

Netflix / The Witcher

The White Wolf cometh, and I cannot bloody wait. Netflix’s adaptation of the beloved books-turned-games is arguably the series a lot of people have been looking forward to this year, and Netflix is currently in overdrive promoting the fuck out of it. So here’s everything we know about The Witcher, coming to the streaming giant December 20.

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What’s The Gist Of ‘The Witcher’?

As per Netflix, The Witcher is an “epic tale of fate and family.

“Geralt of Rivia, a solitary monster hunter, struggles to find his place in a world where people often prove more wicked than beasts. But when destiny hurtles him toward a powerful sorceress, and a young princess with a dangerous secret, the three must learn to navigate the increasingly volatile Continent together.”

And in one sentence: big monster slayer, powerful sorceress, and very important princess deal with a lot of shit.

The series is a straight adaptation of the books by Andrzej Sapkowski, not the games. It’s definitely still going to be horny though. We’re all here for Geralt in the tub.

The Trailer, Trailer Breakdown & A Lil’ Something Extra

Re: “Netflix promoting the fuck out of it”, the streaming giant has released a trailer, a trailer breakdown, and a (I assume) heavily-edited battle scene to keep things PG for marketing purposes or whatever.

Love me some Henry Cavill on a Friday arvo. Correction – Henry Cavill as Geralt of Rivia.

As many have pointed out, Cavill’s Geralt voice is bang on. I like to think this is because he is a committed actor, but also because he is a big fan of The Witcher. 

Speaking to Entertainment Tonight, Cavill said he just kept on “annoying” his team about the role until he eventually got it.

“When I heard they were making The Witcher, I obviously was incredibly excited, and I annoyed the living daylights out of my agents,” he said. “I called them every day and said, ‘Guys, now? Meeting now? How ’bout now?’ And they eventually said, ‘Look, they’ve brought on a showrunner, and we’ve called them, and they said, ‘Look, we’re not even close to that process yet,’ and I kept pushing, pushing, and eventually I think Netflix just got tired.”

The persistence.

Moving on, it’s time for the trailer breakdown.

Showrunner Lauren S. Hissrich and executive producer Tomek Bagiński sat down with Netflix to discuss the trailer. If you’re wondering why you haven’t seen many monsters in the promo material, this will answer your question. The pair also discussed Geralt’s swords, potions, and Roach the horse.

“Anyone familiar with the books will know Roach and Geralt have a very special relationship,” Hissrich said. “Henry actually cast Roach himself because he really wanted to make sure that he as an actor felt the bond with the creature that Geralt is supposed to feel with Roach.”

Love that.

And now to the fight scene.

Woof. 

Who’s Playing Who?

I’m literally just going to list the cast.

  • Henry Cavill (Superman) as Geralt of Rivia
  • Anya Chalotra (The ABC Murders, Wanderlust) as Yennefer 
  • Freya Allan (The War of the Worlds, Into the Badlands) as Ciri 
  • Jodhi May (Game of Thrones, Genius) as Calanthe 
  • Björn Hlynur Haraldsson (Fortitude) as Eist
  • Adam Levy (Knightfall, Snatch) as Mousesack
  • MyAnna Buring (Ripper Street, Kill List) as Tissaia
  • Mimi Ndiweni (Black Earth Rising) as Fringilla
  • Therica Wilson-Read (Profile) as Sabrina
  • Emma Appleton (The End of The F**king World) as Renfri,
  • Aussie actor Eamon Farren (The ABC Murders, Twin Peaks) as Cahir
  • Joey Batey (Knightfall, Strike) as Jaskier
  • Lars Mikkelsen (House of Cards, Sherlock) as Stregobor
  • Royce Pierreson (Wanderlust, Judy) as Istredd
  • Maciej Musiał (1983) as Sir Lazlo,
  • Wilson Radjou-Pujalte (Jamillah & Aladdin, Dickensian) as Dara
  • Anna Shaffer (Harry Potter) as Triss

‘The Witcher’ Season 1 Episode Titles

Yes, Netflix has indeed released all eight chapter titles complete with unique gifs and lil’ descriptions.

  1. “The End’s Beginning” – A monster slain, a butcher named
  2. “Four Marks” – We look at a sorceress’s earlier days
  3. “Betrayer Moon” – A picky eater, a family shamed
  4. “Of Banquets, Bastards, And Burials” – The Law of Surprise is how one repays
  5. “Bottled Appetites” – A fateful meeting, a bard is maimed
  6. “Rare Species” – The hunt for a dragon is underway
  7. “Before A Fall” – A return to before a kingdom is flamed
  8. “Much More” – The Witcher Family, as you all like to say

You can read into that as much or as little as you want to. I’m pretty excited about the “butcher named” bit, which I assume means we’re going to cop an origin story about how Geralt got his other delightful name, Butcher of Blaviken.

Suss out the thread below.

Is There Going To Be ‘The Witcher’ Season 2?

Netflix has already renewed the series for a second season, not that anybody’s really surprised here. But still, bold move to announce the renewal news before the series premieres.

Sex On A Unicorn, That’s It, That’s The Heading

OKAY, before I begin, did you guys notice the casual orgy in the trailer? Love your work, Netflix.

Credit: Netflix

HACHI MACHI. 

If you’re not too familiar with The Witcher I apologise in advance because I’m about to babble a bit about a stuffed unicorn… and sex. In The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt – Cavill’s favourite – Geralt and Yennefer fuck on a stuffed unicorn. I just, I can’t say it any other way. If you want a reference, here is Conan losing his mind over it. 

Yeah, so it might make an appearance in the series down the line. Apparently, someone jokingly asked Hissrich about it and she reportedly replied, “While the first season will not feature such a scene, there may be room for it in the future.”

Cool!

But Hissrich did say The Witcher is “a very adult show”.

ANYWAY, The Witcher season 1 premieres December 20 only on Netflix.

ALSO, character posters!

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