It’s that glorious time of year again, the 27th annual Ernie Awards for Sexism has taken over the ballroom of NSW’s Parliament House for another raucous night of slamming on tables, hollering boos at rampant and blatant sexism, and pointing out all the most-fucked comments made in the last 10 months.

Here are your winners (?) of the 2019 Ernie Awards, as nominated and voted on by a couple of hundred half-pissed and seriously pissed of Australian women (and a couple of brave men.)

Separated into different silver categories like politics, sport, celebrity, and industrial, and honourable standalone gongs like The Elaine (reserved specifically for women really not helping with progress), the Good Ernie (for men who are actively Doing Better™) and The Trump (for repeat offenders, currently held by Tony Abbott.)

There were plenty of high contenders this year, so you just know the Gold Ernie was set to go to someone particularly heinous.

Political Silver Ernie

The country’s #1 bumbling idiot Scott Morrison took this one home for his pants-shittingly take on what gender equality is, quipping “We don’t want to see women rise only on the basis of others doing worse.”

Celebrity Silver Ernie

Handed to author John Marsden (who penned the Tomorrow When The War Began series) for this absolute screamer.

Men who feel rage as a result of the failure of their mothers to effectively manage the inevitable eventual separation between mothers and their sons…are highly likely to project that rage onto future intimate partners, and often all women.

The Warnie (Sport Silver Ernie)

Punted straight to 7AFL for ignoring its responsibility to curb trolls and instead removed that iconic photo of Tayla Harris kicking a barrel through to next Tuesday.

Judicial Silver Ernie

Given to police officer Neil Punchard who gave a woman’s details to her abusive former husband and encouraged him to intimidate her via text, saying “just tell her you know where she lives and leave it at that. Lol. She will flip.”

Industrial Silver Ernie

Given to CMFEU secretary John Setka for telling the union’s executives that Rosie Batty is the reason why men have “fewer rights.”

The Elaine (For Remarks Least Helpful To The Sisterhood)

Sex therapist, author and journalist Bettina Arndt took this one home for her frankly bizarre perspective on modern-day feminism which is a real head-scratcher.

Feminism…It’s all about rules and regulations to advantage women at the expense of men. Constant male bashing. False accusations of violence being used to destroy men’s lives. Women denying men access to their children. There are endless rules in our society now which are about demonising men.

The Good Ernie (For Boys Behaving Better)

This year’s Good Ernie was a dead heat – which is probably a good indication that more men are trying to be better. I mean, out of all the awards, this is the one you’d hope would have a tied result.

Rev Simon Hansford – who heads up the Uniting Church in NSW – took home half the Goodie for his views on abortion rights.

“Christians are called to respond to life with compassion and generosity,” he said. “Abortion is a health and social issue and should not be a criminal issue.”

Taking home the other half is Victorian Assistant Police Commissioner Luke Cornelius, who actually hit the nail on the head after another young woman was murdered by a man in a public space.

“The key point is that this is about men’s behaviour, it’s not about women’s behaviour.”

The Trump (For Repeat Offenders)

Alan Jones. Does what it says on the lid.

Taking home the big kahuna, the grand poobah of the 2019 Ernie Awards, the coveted and least-respected Gold Ernie this year comes as absolutely no surprise – it went straight to Alan Jones. I suspect that many wines were spilled in the fist-banging, table-shaking judgement here.

There you have it for another blissfully cooked year. My advice? Watch what you say, ‘cos someone’s always watching.

Image: Broad City / Comedy Central