File under: terrible, horrible, no good, very bad ideas.
Someone with even an ounce of common sense should have really, really put a stop to this one, ideally as soon as it was ‘spitballed’ in a meeting with a jovial: “You know what would be fun? If E.L. James hosted a live Twitter Q&A and really got to ~connect~ with her fans!”
Big mistake. HUGE mistake.
The hashtag #AskELJames was swiftly hijacked by folks on Twitter disgruntled that she’d a) glorified domestic violence, and b) managed to get something published despite multiple references to Ana’s twatting Inner Goddess instead of finding a single other way to write “Ana had the pleasant experience of knowing a psychopath wanted to take put his p in her v.”
It’s pure, comedic gold, mixed in with truth bombs concerning ‘50 Shades‘ and domestic violence. Not a sentence we thought we’d ever write, but when a serious topic has already been trivialised by a mass money generating books and a film, what else is there to do except laugh, and laugh, and laugh?
We culled down the list of our favourites to a mere 15, but sweet merciful crap it was hard. You have ~no~ idea.
Sweet mecy, there’s so much I want to #AskELJames
Most start with “why” and end with the implacable howling of the damned.
— Dan Olson (@FoldableHuman) June 29, 2015
#AskELJames What’s the minimum distance you have to stay away from Stephenie Meyer at all times?
— Kayleigh Anne (@Ceilidhann) June 29, 2015
#AskELJames How much money does a partner need to earn for them to be ‘romantic’ instead of abusive? Asking for a friend.
— Chloe Dungate (@ScarfDemon) June 29, 2015
What do you dislike more, Independent strong woman or the English language? #AskELJames
— Trevor Donovan (@TrevDon) June 29, 2015
#AskELJames after the success of “Grey,” have you considered re-telling the story from the perspective of someone who can write
— Andrew Vestal (@avestal) June 29, 2015
#AskELJames you do realize that if Grey wasn’t a billionaire, the 50 Shades trilogy would be one hell of a Law & Order episode?
— Belial Bell (@AlwaysAnimated) June 29, 2015
#AskELJames what makes you think that surviving childhood trauma gives someone the right to brutalize someone else?
— vicky romanova (@THEBLACKWlDOW) June 29, 2015
what do you hate more?
a) good literature
d) healthy relationships
e) all of the above
— emma (@PRESERUMPINING) June 29, 2015
#AskELJames do you know 15 year olds can write fanfics with healthier relationships than your book ?
— betty (@ohhey_itsbetty) June 29, 2015
Is there a safe word we can use to get you to stop writing such drivel?
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 29, 2015
#AskELJames I need advice on making a BIG romantic gesture. Should I put a GPS tracker in her phone and make threats if she tries to leave?
— Liam Dryden (@LiamDrydenEtc) June 29, 2015
#AskELJames Can you confirm that you will be writing the story of Ramsay Bolton from his perspective, showing he is just misunderstood?
— Ros (@GameOverRos) June 29, 2015
Which do you hate more, women or the English language? #AskELJames
— Ian Robinson (@eyeswideshut75) June 29, 2015
#askeljames Do you ever wonder how powerful your books could have been if you’d had Ana break free of the abuse in the end?
— Paul Anthony Shortt (@PAShortt) June 29, 2015
Today E. L. James learned the valuable lesson that “A lot of people bought my work” is not the same as “Everyone likes me” #AskELJames
— Dean Burnett (@garwboy) June 29, 2015
E.L. James, for her part, systematically blocked the haters and continued to leave a winky face on an alarming number of answers 😉
Including this one:
.@knightlightxo I didn’t need to 😉
— E L James (@E_L_James) June 29, 2015