Don’t Panic, But There’s A Boa Constrictor Loose On The Gold Coast

No big deal or anything, just a heads up, but if you happen to be in the Gold Coast region, there’s a great big motherfucking snake on the loose, and it’s probably coming for you as we speak.
Brisbane Times report that, on March 26, police were called to The Esplanade at Surfers Paradise following reports of “a large snake spotted at the base of a tree” – y’know, just routine Queensland stuff.   
Believing it to be a harmless python, officers released the snake into bushland at Southport Spit. It has recently come to light, however, that the reptile is actually a two-meter South American boa constrictor.
Snake catcher Tony Harrison says that it was “very silly” of police not to contact reptile experts first, and that there is now an operation underway to catch and euthanise the boa.
“It makes me really angry that people import these snakes as pets and release them when they get too big,” Harrison said, adding that the snake could pose a threat to native fauna as well as cats and dogs.
The Daily Mail report that the snake “could be” pregnant with up to 30 young. There’s also a chance that the snake “could be” pregnant with a motherfucking t-rex that shoots lasers from its eyes – we just don’t know.

Biosecurity Queensland are currently working with the Gold Coast City Council to try and find the snake. FWIW, you should be on the lookout for something “pinkish or tan in colour” with “varying patterns of cream, brown, tan, grey and black with ovals and diamonds.”
We’re #PrayingForYou, Gold Coast. 
Photo: Yuri Cortez via Getty Images