Given the rampant success of our first “we found our old Dolly magazines and here is all the weird shit inside them”, we decided to continue on with NEVER ENDING OLD DOLLY MAGAZINE CONTENT.
[jwplayer YZBp9XHQ]
Ok, not really. But there was absolutely more hilarity to be had outside of the fashion crisis that was the 00s. So Courtney and I came together once again, this time to discuss the absolute has-beens that populated the pages of our old Dolly mags. Turns out you can be worthy of being produced in sticker form one year, unknown the next!
COURTNEY: So I’ve been looking at my Dolly mags again, and I’ve noticed there’s a lot of blokes in there that I just have…no idea who they are. Not like “oh we talked to this random guy at Pitt St Mall” but literally people that are known and being talked about like they’re King Shit and my obvious crush and I’m just like “…who the fuck are you?” Like, who is this? Definitely a “random hottie” for sure but, whomst is this man.
MEL: I have never, ever seen that man in my life. But is the beanie confusing me, like Joe from You vibes of disguise? Maybe.
COURT: Here’s a whole bunch in a full “omg your next crush” guide but also…who?
COURT: Hmm thats sideways lol but you get it. WAIT Casey Stoner, that name’s familiar. I think he’s a motorcycle racer?
COURT: Ok well we all know who Luke Jacobz is. But Mandy Kane? Clinton Hill???? Clinton’s obviously some kind of athlete but I have literally never seen that man before in my life
MEL: I literally ONLY know Luke Jacobz. I feel a familiarity around Mandy Kane – was he on Australian Idol? Speaking of:
MEL: WHO IS BEN?
COURT: I TOOK THE SAME PHOTO. I’m WHEEZING!
MEL: Omg but you used all your stickers – EXCEPT FOR BEN. POOR BEN. Ok so I posted this to my Instagram and someone legit stalked him down for me. He is on Spotify and everything. Side note, I loved the energy of that sticker set — some big stickers, some medium-sized like Ben, and…
MEL: Poor Millsy cops a sticker the size of my thumb, then ironically goes on to be the most successful of the lot.
COURT: ROBERT.
MEL: ROBERT.
COURT: Sorry, that’s done me in.
MEL: ROBERT. I will never get over it.
COURT: Roberto Mills.
MEL: I have another for you.
MEL: Why do I HALF remember Selwyn but have him also confused with Mario, an American singer.
COURT: SELWYN.
MEL: Here’s a thing: it was no move over Craig David.
COURT: Craig David out here like “fucken jog on mate”.
MEL: 2020 Craig David is laughing at this right now.
COURT: NOBODY can take Craig David’s RnB crown. I might be having a complete mind blank here but…who is this. Was he on Home and Away?
COURT: Also as a side note, that hairstyle is 100% going to be the next evolution of the mullet all the blokes in Melbourne have right now. We’re going to come screaming back to the 00s faux-hawk-baby-mullet and I’m terrified.
MEL: That guy was DEFINITELY Home and Away! Hello, how do you not remember Tash and Robbie, the youngest marriage I think I’ve ever seen on the show? Speaking of rando Home and Away actors I forgot about:
COURT: Despite the fact that my family dinner time was at 7pm and so was Home and Away which meant we had to eat dinner in complete silence while the show was on, I have retained nothing. Apart from two people losing their virginity with beach sex (hell fucken no). I can assure you that 14-year-old me would have been entirely enamoured with that guy, whoever he is (sorry Summer Bay stans).
MEL: Hey, who the fuck is this?
MEL: For a minute I thought maybe he is the Mean Girls guy but he doesn’t 100% look like him???
COURT: I’M SORRY THAT IS ABSOLUTELY AARON SAMUELS.
MEL: Is it absolutely?
COURT: Yes!
MEL: The eyebrows say yes but the smile says no. I should just trust the eyebrows, they never lie.
COURT: It’s true, they don’t. The eyebrows will ask you what day it is (It’s October 3rd). Wanna know what he looks like now?This is what the eyebrows look like now.
COURT: THE. SAME.
MEL: Ok it’s him, FINE. You fucked up with Robbie from Home and Away, I fuck up on AARON SAMUELS. I’m definitely worse off here. Ok fine, what about this guy?
COURT: Oh that face is FAMILIAR. I want to say maybe the host of a Video Hits knockoff? Or Luke Jacobz understudy. Oh my god Mel — remember the Dolly Guys?!
COURT: I know this is a “who is that man” but NEVER forget the issue when Hugh joined the Dolly Guys. God, I wonder what the Dolly Guys are up to now.
MEL: Who was Hugh, help me out here.
COURT: He was the latecomer to the Dolly Guys, and was like… the chill surfer one. I’m reading his bio now and Dolly spotted him while he was doing work experience at RALPH Mag hahahaha FUCK. Imagine being 16 and somehow talking your way into doing work experience at Ralph.
MEL: What the fuck is Ralph mag? Did I lose part of my memory circa 2005?
COURT: OMG. RALPH MAG — Mel!!! It was like…a counterpart to Zoo. Massive Boys Mag.
MEL: Ohhhh yep yep, OK I remember. Hey, I have another for you:
MEL: Ok this one I included just because – how fucking creepy is it to send in hot photos of YOUR BROTHER and be like “guys my brother is really hot”. I AM ALARMED.
COURT: Caitlin… why. Also, “S P U N K A R A M A!”
MEL: But also, clearly a push from said older brother to garner attention in his quest to become an actor.
COURT: My brother would have been MORTIFIED if I did this, but yes 100%. Really Kris Jenner-ing himself here, that Scott.
MEL: I need to know if Scott made it. Ooh also who is this:
MEL: ~ Running Away From Reality ~
COURT: Haha wow I have torn out an entire page from the Dolly Guys section here, who knows what was on there? It’ll remain a mystery for only March 2005 Courtney to know. WOW Matt who did this to you? I mean, obviously the stylist, but WOW.
MEL: Where does one buy a t-shirt like that, I need to know.
COURT: Ok do you want one that we absolutely both know, but also, holy shit?
MEL: Yes!
COURT: It’s a cracker:
COURT: I present to you: The Kyle Files.
MEL: !!!!!!!!!!!
COURT: I screamed when I saw this. SCREAMED.
MEL: Oh my GOD. Who asked KYLE SANDILANDS to give impressionable teenage girls advice?
COURT: WHO ALLOWED THIS?! Here’s one more for good measure:
MEL: Okay I saved the best for last.
COURT: Oh, yes good lay it the FUCK on me! I’m topping up my wine for this one.
MEL: So basically, I have one issue that’s like The Guys Issue, and it had a big pull-out about guy advice, right? Except I was flicking, there were also eight double-sided pages that were pieces of a poster puzzle. “Fun!” I said. “I love puzzles!” …..
…..
…………
MEL: WHAT. IS HAPPENING. I swear to you, the other side was just another disproportionate picture.
COURT: AAAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA. This poor, unknown man!
MEL: This side at least SEEMED like the correct image, except with giant feet.
COURT: That’s just what he looks like, Mel. Don’t shame Big Feety McGee.
MEL: I mean if you had a burgeoning foot fetish you’d be in HEAVEN, right?
COURT: Show feet sweetie. That is insane, I love it. Whomst is this man with the MONSTROUS FEET?
MEL: There is no explanation, as it should be.
