File this one under ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOPE.
A woman in India who presented to hospital with a pain in her face was found to have a cockroach nestled behind her skin and between her eyes – and it was still alive to boot.
Selvi, 42, awoke from a deep sleep around midnight last Tuesday to a “tingling, crawling sensation” in her right nostril. At first she thought it might have been the beginnings of a cold, The Times of India, but she soon felt something move.
“I could not explain the feeling but I was sure it was some insect,” she told the New Indian Express. “Whenever it moved, it gave me a burning sensation in my eyes.”
She spent the entire night in discomfort, heading to hospital first thing in the morning. Four hospitals later (doctors initially thought it was nasal growth) and the wriggling cockroach was finally extracted.
“It was a full grown cockroach,” said Dr M.N. Shankar, the head of the ENT department. “It was alive. And it didn’t seem to want to come out.”
He said that the cockroach’s position made extraction difficult, and that he “drag it” to a better one.
“It was sitting in the skull base, between the two eyes, close to the brain. If left inside, it would have died before long and the patient would have developed infection which would have spread to the brain.”
The process lasted about 45 minutes.
Dr Shankar told the Times his department has in the past removed maggots, houseflies and leech from nasal cavities, “but not a cockroach, especially not one this large.”
Excuse me while I investigate vacuums to sleep in from now until forever.