Hercules Is The Best Ever Disney Film & This New Tea About The Live-Action Makes Me Nervous

I think it’s time we all agreed Hercules is the superior Disney animated film. I am therefore equal parts excited and apprehensive about the live-action remake — because one of the producers has said it’s going to be inspired by TikTok. Sir, what does that mean?

ICYMI: the live-action Hercules will be produced by Anthony and Joe Russo, the brothers behind a bunch of Marvel flicks including Captain America: The Winter Soldier and AvengersEndgame and Infinity War.

Joe Russo spoke to Variety about the movie and I won’t lie, I am nervous.

“[It] will be a little bit more experimental in tone, a little bit more experimental in execution,” he said.

He also said it wouldn’t just be a “reinterpretation” of the OG animated film.

Look, I am so here for experimentation. Give me an A24-esque remake of Robin Hood (sexy fox included) any day.

But the original Hercules is just so brilliant that I don’t think we need a whole heap of experimentation.

First-off, Hercules is such a fkn funny movie. Danny DeVito as Herc’s satyr trainer Philoctetes is a bloody masterclass in comedy.

And as an ancient history nerd, the way the film translates ancient Greek mythology into an accessible kids’ movie is a 10/10.

Hades is a camp icon villain who is genuinely quite spooky when he needs to be, while Megara was probably one of the first loves of my life. I am simply obsessed with the concept of an empowered bad bitch who is all good by herself, and the loving himbo she falls for.

It’s giving Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, except calling the brain behind “if it wasn’t for the baby” a himbo feels unfair.

There are also the Muses, who introduce us to the story of Hercules and provide some pretty impressive vocals throughout the film. I love the narrative device of the Muses as a Greek Chorus telling the story and would be genuinely devo if the producers cut them. Manifesting a Lizzo appearance, please.

Plus, Hercules contains the two best Disney songs: “Zero to Hero” and “I Won’t Say I’m In Love”. I will stand by this until the day I cark it.

One of the other brilliant elements of Hercules is how colourful and visually appealing the film is.

It’s an absolute feast for the eyes. For example, the scenes of the gods on Mount Olympus always massively appealed to my nerdy childhood self. The gods are all depicted in different colours based on their godly jurisdictions.

So Demeter the goddess of agriculture is green, while Aphrodite goddess of love is a gorgeous magenta and Poseidon, god of the sea is teal.

Your honour, they’re slaying. Image: Disney

There is simply so much brilliance there to play around with!

Joe Russo did, thankfully, confirm the film would still be a musical.

However, he said one of the inspirations will be… TikTok. Sorry sir, but I will not be putting up with a sped up version of “Zero to Hero”.

“There are questions about how you translate it as a musical,” he said.

“Audiences today have been trained by TikTok, right? What is their expectation of what that musical looks like and feels like?

“That can be a lot of fun and help us push the boundaries a little bit on how you execute a modern musical.”

We already have Ratatouille: The TikTok Musical and honestly, that’s enough for me.

I have simply no idea what Russo means when he says audiences have been “trained” by TikTok, like they’re gosh-darn ASIO agents.

I can only hope he doesn’t fuck with the absolute magic of Hercules. And please, for the love of God, get Danny DeVito in the remake.

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