I’m very sorry to completely ruin your Friday afternoon, but someone, somewhere out there in the wretched void of the internet has mashed together a heap of presser from Victorian Premier Dan Andrews to make it sound like he’s had a messy break up with NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian.

Look, it’s no secret that Dan and Gladys have had a bit of a strained relationship – two biggest states, two COVID approaches, different political parties – but this takes things to a new, darker level.

Anyway, if I had to endure this, so do you.

Thomas Nguyen shared the truly fucking cursed video on Twitter, simply asking “WHO DID THIS”, which is what I also whispered to myself after watching it.

Here it is, if you truly wish to destroy your own afternoon.

Dan Andrews’ franken-edited speech about Gladys is backed by solemn, emotional piano, making it all the more upsetting to watch. It kicks off with him admitting that he’s been “in an intimate relationship with Gladys for some time”, before detailing (very disjointedly) how things went sour and they broke it off over text.

It then kicks into another gear of devastating – absolutely driven by the music, mind you – and the video enters Dan’s negative thoughts about himself and why this faked long-distance relationship with the NSW Premier fell to pieces.

It’s complete with a soft focus and an echo to Dan’s voice, which we all know means internal dialogue.

“Why would she leave me?” the remixed Dan asks himself wistfully.

“Is there another man? No, it’s my fault. Why would anyone want to spend time with me? I’m not very fun. I’m boring.

“I’m just a big, stupid nobody. I don’t have any friends. I’m so, so alone. Now I know how Darryl McGuire feels.”

(Yes, that Darryl McGuire who is also Gladys’ ex and casually got hauled in front of the ICAC when the cat got out of the bag back in October last year.)

Fucking hell, bit raw on the heart there, mates.

The vid was created this week by an Aussie creator known only as Remix Matrix, who mashes together lots of footage to make satirical parody videos. That’s about all we known about them, but there’s no denying that what they’ve done here today is nothing short of utterly damned.

Thanks, I hate this new kind of fan fic.

Image: Getty Images / Darrian Traynor / Sam Mooy