Our Dream Cast List For The Inevitable College Admissions Scam Biopic

They say that sex sells and sure, this is v. true but ya know what else sells? Scandal. Especially when the rich and famous and/or celebrities are involved, therefore it’s only a matter of time before this whole college admissions hubbub is turned into a biopic.

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Bohemian Rhapsody, the film about Freddie Mercury‘s salacious life, cleaned up during awards season and a bidding war began for a biopic based on the wild McDonald’s scam just days after the first report went live so surely a college admissions scam flick is soon to be shopped around.

And when the time comes, we’ve got grade A options for actors and actresses to portray the biggest players involved in one of the biggest college con-jobs ever.

William Rick Singer, THE MASTERMIND

Played by: Ben Stiller

Singer is the alleged mastermind of the scheme who first set-up the scamming ring and recruited willing accomplices from inside the colleges before approaching upscale clientele to take part in the scheme.

He pled guilty to racketeering conspiracy, money laundering conspiracy, conspiracy to defraud US, obstruction of justice and was released on a $500,000 bond and is scheduled for sentencing on June 19.

Aside from sharing a similar long-faced quality, Ben Stiller‘s diversity as an actor will be perfect to portray the light and shade of Mr. Singer.

The criminal mastermind is described as a charismatic fellow who was able to not only convince the in-house employees that risking their careers and livelihoods was a fool proof idea, but also managed to get the rich and powerful to go along with his scheme.

Mark Riddell, THE BRAINS

Played by: Andrew Rannells

While Singer was the mastermind behind the whole thing, not a single test could have been falsified without Mark Riddell, the director of college entrance exam preparation at IMG Academy, a private college prep school and sports academy in nearby Bradenton.

Singer would fly the clever chap from his home in Florida to testing centers in Houston and Los Angeles either to sit the test on behalf of paying students or edit their incorrect answers.

The dubious duo would also allegedly bribe the test administrators so that Riddell could take the test without being caught.

Court documents reveal that Riddell scored a whopping $10,000 per test.

“I want to communicate to everyone that I am profoundly sorry for the damage I have done and grief I have caused those as a result of my needless actions,” Riddell said in a statement. “I understand how my actions contributed to a loss of trust in the college admissions process. I assume full responsibility for what I have done.”

So why is comedian Andrew Rannells perfect for this sinister role? He’s got the perfect ‘you can trust me’ smile along with ‘I’m hiding something’ eyes.

Rudy Meredith, THE COACH

Played by: Taye Diggs

Rudolph “Rudy” Meredith had been the Yale women’s soccer coach since 1995 and was described by the institution as the most successful coach in Yale history.

Little did they know, their star coach had sold his soul to Singer’s scam ring and used his position to falsify documents, creating fake athletic profiles for students.

After years of working together, Meredith reportedly tried to cut ties with Singer and work directly with wealthy parents.

On April 12, 2018, he met with the father of a Yale applicant in a Boston hotel room and solicited a bribe from him. In exchange for $450,000, Meredith promised to get his daughter into Yale as a women’s soccer recruit.

The meeting turned out to be a set-up by FBI agents who were secretly recording it.

Following the news, Yale President Peter Salovey said in a statement to the Yale community that he was “profoundly dismayed and disturbed” by the allegations against the coach.

“We do not believe that any member of the Yale administration or staff other than the charged coach knew about the conspiracy. The university has cooperated fully in the investigation and will continue to cooperate as the case moves forward,” he said.

Given his athletic build and theatrical prowess as a renowned theatre actor, Taye Diggs would be a perf fit for the role.

Felicity Huffman, THE MOTHER

Played by: Teri Hatcher

Huffman allegedly gave $15,000 to admissions consultant William Singer and his nonprofit organisation, Key Worldwide Foundation “to participate in the college entrance exam cheating scheme on behalf of her oldest daughter,” the indictment states.

Earlier this week, she reportedly woke at 6AM to a crew of armed FBI agents banging at her door with their guns drawn. She was arrested and later released on bail and awaits sentencing.

From the moment the news broke, many punters have taken to social media to point out the irony of Huffman’s desperate actions considering she once played an equally desperate mother who would do anything for her kids on the beloved mystery drama Desperate Housewives.

So who better to play her in the movie than one of her desperate co-stars. Huffman is still best buds with Marcia Cross and Eva Longoria so it would have to be someone who doesn’t mind going against the actress and as we all know, Teri Hatcher and Felicity have had major beef since day dot and the feud still rages on.

Last October on the anniversary of the series, Huffman shared several galleries of images celebrating her time on the show and dedicated each gallery to a cast-mate, minus Teri.

She even shared pics of the IRL Susan Delfino but didn’t have a single thing to say about her, nor did she tag her.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BokPbL_Hv1b/

https://www.instagram.com/p/BokP2ePn0u-/

https://www.instagram.com/p/BokQTwdnGwh/

https://www.instagram.com/p/BokQjfxnfkp/

https://www.instagram.com/p/BokQzLDHhTM/

https://www.instagram.com/p/BokRPEVHnWK/

Chuck a blonde wig on Tezza and we’re good to go.

Lori Loughlin, THE MOTHER

Played by: Hilarie Burton

The Full House actress has been accused of paying “bribes totaling $500,000 in exchange for having their two daughters designated as recruits to the USC crew team — despite the fact that they did not participate in crew — thereby facilitating their admission to USC,” according to the 200-page indictment.

Following the shocking news, the Hallmark mainstay has reportedly been dumped by the network. They’ve stopped re-runs of her 2013 flick Garage Sales Mysteries and have halted her current series When Calls the Heart until they come up with “creative solutions” for her character.

The person cast in this role has to be someone who can give a dramatic, Hallmark-worthy performance and who better than Hilarie Burton? Sure, you’ll have to add a wrinkle or two to her but I reckon she’s got what it takes to play the seemingly squeaky-clean mother and actress embroiled in the most shocking of crimes.

Olivia Jade, THE STUDENT

Played by: Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande

While it’s unknown as to whether the students who had their exam marks boosted were aware of the scam, it’s clear that Loughlin’s daughter, YouTube sensation Olivia Jade at least knew something shady was going down as she reportedly took a photo on a rowing machine as eViDeNcE that she was an athlete and therefore worthy of admission on her rowing skills.

The scam hit this 19-year-old harder than the other students as she had the most to lose.

See, Olivia Jade is a world famous beauty influencer who boasts 1.4 million Instagram followers and nearly 2 million YouTube subscribers on her channel where she shares beauty tutorials, makeup hacks and just her average day-to-day happenings.

Over the course of her time in the spotlight, she’s built up a mammoth following and even managed to secure partnerships with several major brands including AmazonTRESemméSmile Direct and more.

Not only that, but thanks to her beauty prowess and the fact that girls around the globe have been relying on her for beauty advice, she recently inked a deal with Sephora to produce her very own makeup palette called Olivia Jade x Sephora Bronze & Illuminate Palette.

After news of the scandal broke, her palette amassed a ton of negative reviews like, “I thought this would give me the ‘just-came-from-crew-practice, spent-hours-rowing-on-the-lake’ glow. Turns out it was all a sham!” Another review read, “Do I get a discount if I use ENTITLEMENT or CHEATER as the promo code?”

The overwhelming amount of hate has forced Sephora to sever ties with Olivia, effective immediately.

“After careful review of recent developments, we have made the decision to end the Sephora Collection partnership with Olivia Jade, effective immediately,” the beauty retailer announced in a statement.

The palette’s page has since been removed from Sephora’s website entirely.

Now remember folks, Ariana Grande was an actress before she was a singer and her social platform, which rivals Olivia Jade’s, along with her petite, baby doll lewk would make her a shoe-in for the role.

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