As each of the actors, models and maltese-shihtzu crosses posing as celebrities in the cast of imminent bellyflop Charlatan Splash! climbs higher up the ladder of hubris, the price they must pay increases with each rung-doing.
‘Celebrity Splash’ Claims First Victim, Non-Famous Neck Sustains Injury
With every 2½ somersault with 2½ twists in the pike position, each aspiring Icarus courts great nemesis, and with it, even greater injury. To sate their depthless appetites, the Vengeful Gods of Reality Television have chosen their first victim in friendly-enough spray-on hair extension Laura Cstoran, whose nice albeit non-famous neck was offered up in sacrifice earlier this week, the first week of filming, in what is being reported as either a predictable injury or a terrible omen of things to come. You decide [hint: terrible omen].
According to a report in Fairfax Media, Csortan literally went head first into the water as a diver is wont to do, except that because she is neither a celebrity adequately trained in diving nor a diver adequately trained in celebrity, she hurt her Neck. Csortan tweeted: “Day 2 training and I can’t move my neck! I literally went in head first yesterday.“
Neck has since seen a doctor and is currently on bed rest before it gets all rubbery at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Australia.
Meanwhile, the American iteration of the popular Danish format is slowly drowning. Viewers are peeling off in the millions each week as people famous in their own lunchtime plunge into the depths of feigned public amnesia. All agree drowning is not as peaceful as everyone tells you it’s going to be.
Earlier this week, America’s ex-girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson quit the show about falling fancily from great heights because she was afraid of both fancy and great heights. Apparently Kendra neglected to remember this crippling phobia until she realised she was on TV again, standing high above a pool into which she was supposed to fling her unwilling body, except this time the large watery body was not Hugh Hefner. She tells People:
“I didn’t know that until I signed up. I thought it was swimming.”
Celebrity Splash! is due to air later this year!
via The Age