Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden, Ludacris Officially Off The Market

Congratulations to Cameron Diaz, Ludacris and Benji Madden, who all bought into the highly institutionalised and commodified romantic ritual of marriage in the last twelve hours. Though not with each other and all together at once, that would be crazy. Settle down now.
These three relatively famous people gathered here today are all but guaranteed, in the very least, the opportunity to not die totally alone – provided their wedding contracts contained a murder/suicide clause – now that they’ve said ‘Yes okay, sure – I mean, why not?‘ to their respective romantic partners: Diaz to Madden after an engagement period of, like, a month, and Ludacris to Eudoxie, his affianced bae of all but one day.
A spokesperson for Diaz today confirmed news of the nuptials following vaguely interesting speculation yesterday, saying “the couple wed in an intimate ceremony at their Los Angeles home.” 

TMZ note that it looks like a hellfire Klan meeting. That’s cute. That’s intimate.  
Should you want to, you can see pictures of Luda’s shotgun wedding and source crucial details – like, Eudoxie was totally blindsided and Mrs. Ludacris picked the dress – at the same address. Surprise!
Diaz reportedly said of her newly-betrothed husband in her wedding toast, “I waited because I didn’t want to settle. Now I got the best man ever. My special man. He’s mine.”

“I only asked to be in control of two things: The music and the cake,” Madden, lyrical genius, replied in kind.

“Shit, fuck, this is fucked up. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!’” allegedly added Cammy, following a ten second black out. It was the perfect day.
Vanity Fair report that guests on Diaz’s side included American citizen Reese Witherspoon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Toni Collette, Judd Apatow, Leslie Mann and Samantha Ronson. Lionel Richie and Ryan Adams also performed. 
The bridal party supposedly consisted of sister-in-law Nicole Richie, Drew Barrymore, Diaz’s sister Chimene, and her assistant Jesse Lutz
Not sure what Lucy Liu’s up to?

Photo: Ben Stansall/AFP/Getty Images

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