In what has unexpectedly become a huge week for celebrities getting pranked — J.K. Rowling, Ukrainian president, Zoom call, et cetera — I must announce another star’s leg has been spectacularly pulled. A random man told Brad Pitt there was medieval treasure buried beneath his French château, so the actor bought a radar from him and devoted an entire year to looking for it.
I don’t want to be dramatic, however, the CIA could do the most unspeakable things to me and I still wouldn’t blurt that shit out. But for reasons we simply will never understand, Pitt had the confidence to just announce it during a recent interview with GQ.
As the age-old story goes, GQ said Pitt was approached by an unnamed man who told him there were “millions of dollars’ worth of gold” buried beneath Château Miraval, the estate in Provence he purchased in 2008 with his then-wife, Angelina Jolie. Yes, this is the same thousand-acre estate which Pitt is suing Jolie over because she allegedly sold her share of the property without telling him first.
According to this nosy bloke, it wasn’t just any treasure. It was gold “that one of the estate’s medieval owners had taken from the Levant during the Crusades and buried on the grounds”.
A bit…. casket ready https://t.co/byXnfLIF6w
— HOOD VOGUE is tired of poverty (@keyon) June 22, 2022
I know the situations are extremely dissimilar but I feel like the vibes would be akin to those in Shrek 2, when King Harold meets Puss in Boots at the Poison Apple and asks him to assassinate Shrek. Like, picture this: Pitt and this mysterious man were both wearing dark cloaks, there was a bag of gold coins that someone slashed open with a sword and one of them was speaking in a sexy European accent.
In a vibe that wouldn’t be out of place in the Shrek universe, Pitt was positively bewitched by this man.
“I got obsessed,” he told GQ.
“Like for a year, this was all I could think about, just the excitement of it all.
“Maybe it has something to do with where I grew up, because in the Ozark Mountains there were always stories of hidden caches of gold.”
I don’t want to rain on Pitt’s parade but I don’t buy it. He knew he fumbled the bag after unleashing this embarrassing verbal diarrhoea and tried to cover his tracks by making it sentimental and deep.
I have this hypothesis because he then told GQ he eventually learned the guy who approached him was a swindler with a radar equipment company, who wanted Pitt as an investor.
Not them trying to soft boi Brad Pitt https://t.co/ZnV1zzpJpP
— haaniyah angus (@_haaniyah_) June 22, 2022
If he independently bought radar equipment I would be less suspicious. Maybe he was just full of whimsy and optimism. However, he bought it from a man who randomly told him there was medieval treasure buried beneath his château. Please, no one call Pitt telling him he’s related to a recently deceased Nigerian Prince and he’s entitled to some cashola.
In the end, Pitt conceded he had been truffled with and said the experience was “pretty foolish”.
Foolish, indeed. God truly gives his silliest pranks to his most famous soldiers.