In news that is sure to have you making a mild grunting noise as if to say ‘huh, okay, didn’t see that one coming’, there are reports this weekend that Charlize Theron and Brad Pitt are dating. What’s the validity of these reports? I have no goddamn idea, as I’ve never met either of these people and I don’t know their lives, but whatever, let’s dig into these rumours together.
The story started with UK tabloid The Sun, who reported that Theron was introduced to Pitt by her ex-fiance Sean Penn. The pair recently attended a function for the Oscar contender Roma at the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood, and a source who was there said “the new lovebirds were all over each over.”
I don’t know what kind of living human person would ever organically use a phrase like “the new lovebirds were all over each over”, but once again, I wasn’t there, so we’ll have to take the source’s word for it on this one.
Reportedly, Brad Pitt had been hosting a screening of the film If Beale Street Could Talk earlier in the night, then “came over to Chateau afterwards, changed his outfit and joined Charlize in a corner of the bar.” The source said “she was on a vodka cocktail while he stuck to mineral water,” a detail that makes all this sound believable, I guess, since he quit drinking after he and Ange broke up.
Then came the kicker, with the source saying:
“They were ridiculously touchy-feely and his arm was around her back. At one point he winked at her. Brad seemed in a really good place – they both looked really happy.”
Anyway, if the rumours are to be believed, the pair got together around Christmas and have been “casually dating” since then, although she has yet to meet his children.
So there you have it, folks, either you’ve just read a weirdly elaborate piece of fan fiction about Brad Pitt winking at Charlize Theron, or we have a new Hollywood power couple situation on our hands.
I’m figuratively dying to find out.