It may sound like a fever dream, but it’s actually very real: back in 2014, cancelled cowboy MP Bob Katter bequeathed an Akubra hat unto American artist Pharrell Williams. Let’s unpack.
This cursed instance of gift-giving happened at the 2Day FM studios in Sydney. Katter greeted the American singer before switching to that quiet, engaging and hypnotic voice that all Aussie blokes of a certain age know how to whip out when duty calls.
“Where I come from in Australia, everyone wears hats like yours and mine,” Katter said in an intense, focused mumble.
“We’re gonna give you an Australian Akubra. It’s a very famous, iconic hat. Everyone outside the city wears one of those.”
Radio host Jules Lund then chimed in to say it’s only really Katter and his elk who still wear Akubras, but Pharrell appeared to be flustered in confusion, like all Americans are when they encounter even the most elementary Aussie humour.
“They raffled my hats, but we only got $2,000. You got $40,000, I’m told, for yours,” Katter continued.
Pharrell tried to modestly deflect: “Well, I had nothing to do with that, that was the people.”
“On a purr-capitah basis, I’m up there with you,” Katter insisted. Cursed!
We’ve crunched the numbers and that’s simply not true. Katter’s hat brought in $0.00008 for every person in Australia, whereas Pharrell’s garnered a massive $0.01341463414 for every person in the US.
The host came back with one more jibe.
“The difference of course, Bob, is that [Pharrell] auctioned his off for charity whereas you spent yours on booze,” he said.
Pharrell, like all clueless Americans in pretty much every social situation, didn’t know how to react (perhaps because the above arithmetic flashed before his eyes). He took Lund’s words literally and blushed at the thought of a politician enjoying an alcoholic beverage.
“That’s very nasty, they say this all the time Pharrell, I just have to bear it,” Katter reassured him with a big grin on his face.
Katter went on to plaster the meeting all over social media. Pharrell did not reciprocate.
Pleasure saying G’day to @Pharrell & giving him my hat – you will wear it well mate. Thanks to @2dayFMbreakfast ! pic.twitter.com/OgOvbEMDIj
— Hon Bob Katter MP (@RealBobKatter) March 6, 2014
After their chance meeting the regional paper from Katter’s neck of the woods, The Northern Star, reported that the MP referred to Pharrell’s song ‘Happy’ as ‘Clap Your Hands If You’re Happy’, which radiates powerful uncle energy. Powerful problematic uncle energy, that is.
“Outside of country music, it’s pretty good. It’s not real music, but for not-real music it’s pretty good,” he told the newspaper.
Who knows what happened to that Akubra Bob Katter so kindly gifted to Pharrell.
Let’s just hope it’s taking pride of place on the artist’s hat rack, deep inside the inner sanctum of his mansion.
